Refrigerator Perry style

Choosing your favorite UFC fighter is a lot like choosing a refrigerator. In a refrigerator you want an energy star (obviously), estra wide adjustable side-out SpillGaurd Glass Shelves, full length handles, electronic ice and water dispenser with control lockout and LED light, and an in door ice dispensing system.

In a UFC fighter you want an energetic star (obviously), extra wide behind kicking muscles, no love handles, a punching and kicking dispensing machine with a UFC shine, and an in door ice dispensing system……but most fighters don't have that, unless they've got an icebox where their heart used to be, which some do.

Oh yeah, and you want them both to stay cool under pressure. So, using these characteristics, lets see who you voted for in the battle of #9 Pam Kloster(Wo)man vs. #12 Lindsey "Kneebrace" Knaber. Tough one, I know.

Lindsey took the fight early on (Pam you need more punctual friends), but Pam was able to climb her way back in. Lindsey, after stunt driving her way to the office like she always does, slammed into Pam's new convertible like a Warren County Fair demolition derby (Talk about mullets!). Pam was very angry, but decided to fake a neck injury just like the rest of Lindsey's victims and not retaliate. Lindsey repeatedly used her fake SUV (fake b/c its not a 4-wheel drive) to ram into the tiny red car (with her back of course, so you don't mess up the motor). Score: 2-7, Lindsey winning.

Pam was more mad about the car than she was about her own injuries (oh yeah, she was faking those). She used this anger to go buck-wild on Lindsey. Pam pushed the eject button in her car and flew out the top like she was launched from a cannon (That's why convertibles have soft tops). She landed right next to Zoomy's bike (and knocked it over just because she's always wanted to do that), but right on top of Lindsey. Pam dispensed and ice cold furry of eye jabs, hair pulling, and high heel knocking. Score tied at 9-9.

Lindsey at this point forgot that she had a bumb knee (not to be confused with a bumb's knee) and jumped right up from the beating and karate chopped Pam. Pam karate chopped Lindsey (neither we're wearing black belts that day…). Pam pulled out a phillips screw driver and Lindsey pulled out a split head screw driver. It doesn't really matter, they both hurt like you wouldn't believe when jabbed into your ribs. Score: 13-13….

The final score is 14-17, but do you know who took the battle? The winner used her last moves to take some verbal shots at the other while the loser only had one comeback (all of which are too vulgar for even Cursing Kate Ranzini to say). The winner was able to take it to the next level and be that energy star her fans knew was on the inside, the other wasn't even able to dispense ice….actually neither could the winner, that's just impossible.

Winner of yesterday's (first) fight was Lindsey Kneebrace Knaber (surprisingly though because she gets hurt almost as much as Farrar). Good job to both fighters. Fight one, done.