Parody between Malloy and Mathis

Today's fight parody (you'll find out why I called it that shortly) is between the #6 ranked Wendy "Still acting like a Newlywed" Mathis and underrated #15 Chuck "Chuck Bo Buck Banana Rama Fo" Malloy. Lets get going……..

Come and listen to a story about a man named Chuck
A poor salesman, never fed his family duck,
Then one day he was callin' on an account,
And up through the ground came a big large amount.

An order that is, Rawlings Products, Finest in the field.

Well the first thing you know ol' Chucks a millionaire,
Kinfolk said Chuck move away from there
Said Missouri is the place you ought to be
So they loaded up the truck and fought the UFC.

Ultimate Fighting, that is.
Switch blades, nasty scars.


You see, Chuck used to be a completely different person before the UFC. He was polite, respected, finely dressed, but since his first bloodshed he's been just plain mean. He reportedly even dipped into his millionaire bank account to buy a whoopie cushion to play jokes on Linnie. His opponent is completely the opposite. Since making it to the finals last year she's started an organization called, "Violence in the workplace is not the right way to solve problems or get ahead, even if you think you could by taking another person out," or the VITWISNTRWTSPOGAEIYTYCBTAPO for short. (There's a reason she doesn't work in Marketing) She has somehow still made it to this level of the challenge.

It started with Chuck getting 3 quick points for not cursing when he read his nickname and really got into it. Wendy then earned 3 points back for snickering when he almost said it. Tied at 3 apiece.

Chuck quickly transformed into his new UFC Hot Brick Lab Coat and became the Dangerous Chuckster fighter he's held inside for years (but if you've ever seen Chuck out on a Friday night you know this side comes out often….just ask the ladies). He punched Wendy in the face once saying, "this ones for Target" and then again while saying, "this one's for K-Mart." Wendy quickly reacted with a punching sequence of her own repeating, "Spread.SHEET, Spread.SHEET," over and over again until the score was 12-5 (thanks to Excel).

Don't think Chuck was done. They don't call him 6-Buck Chuck for nothing….he sneezed on Wendy giving himself a 6th point. Score: 12-6 with the Newlywed in the lead.

Lets just say Wendy has some Daddy issues. She looked deep within and unleashed the rage held inside over her twenty-something years and beat Chuck with his own shiny belt. Three smacks on the rear and Wendy has the lead at 15-6. (Bet you didn't see that one coming!!)

After mailing a letter for 2 hours and 59 minutes (that is a significant # for later on in the story) Chuck came back to the match. He had also recruited Ben "Big Apple" McIntosh and Jeff "signature 4 stripes" France to help. In a surprise turn France smacked Chuck with a shovel (who knows where he got that) and Big Ben bonked Wendy with a mini shovel. Score: 15-6-1-1 (Wendy, Chuck, Ben, France). Those 2 then left…..together…..

Chuck got in 4 more kicks while Wendy was on the ground, but it wasn't enough. This Rookie fighter is out of the UFC and must return home to roll in his money. Mathis wins the fight 15-10 and some change.

Lets sum it up with another little ditty:

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale,
a tale of a fateful fight.
That started from a scar on Wendy's hide,
aboard this wild ride.
The fighter was a mighty demand analyst,
the fighter brave and sure.
2 challengers threw fists that day,
for a three hour fight, a three hour fight………
The wrestling started getting rough,
the tiny Wendy was tossed.
If not for the courage of her fearless heart,
the Newlywed would have lost; the Newlywed would have lost.
The fight took ground on the steps of this uncharted office building,
with Chuck, the Newlywed too,
the bystanders, and their coworkers,
the Mailroom lady, the President and even Jan,
here in the UFC.


That's the end of today's programming boys and girls. Next up:

#9 Matt "Makin' Ladies" Howell since 98 (Alum) vs. #4 Logan Justice (No nickname necessary)