Who ordered the Surf n Turf?

Ever sit around with your friends and the question pops up of who would win in a fight between Ron and Pam? Me too! Its an argument that could only be settled one way: The Rawlings UFC.
Number 1 seed Ron "Busta" Kappauff "(in your....)" versus number 9 Pam "Pann Pann" Klosterman. Apparently the UFC decides match ups based on alphabetical order? Here's how it all went down:
Ron came to work very prepared yesterday. He brought his waiting bib overalls (waterproof of course), plaid shirt, rubber gloves, cages, limes so he wouldn't get scurvy, a net, a bib, and some butter. He had also been increasing his pain threshold by asking Dan to pinch him each time they had a meeting......all to prepare him for whom Ron thought was his opponent, "The Lobsterman." Ron figured there was a life-sized lobster that had fallen into some ooze and transformed (Ron watched too much Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as a kid). Ron was wrong (it appears Ron's hearing isn't what it used to be) and he knew it as soon as he saw Pam pull in to the parking lot with her shinny new convertible.
You see, Pam was prepared too....or so she thought. Pam came dressed as a crab (or was that her attitude, I forgot? .....ooohhh, low blow by the narrator) because she had heard Ron thought he was fighting a Lobsterman and wanted to confuse him. "I'm a Crab, not a Lobster" said Pam. "Oh, well I guess I'm not fighting you" said Ron. Ron now knew he had made a mistake, but wasn't going to let Pam know that. Ron all of the sudden threw the net over the crab for a point and the fight was on. Pam used her pinchers to quickly escape from the net, but Ron had a cage too....so he threw that on her. Score: Ron 3, Crabby Pam 1.
The cage Pam was in quickly broke though as Scott Siebers crashed into it when he heard there was sea-protein around....Pam was released!! She pinched Ron here and pinched Ron there, Ron kicked once, but Pam kept on pinching (Feel free to insert "nagged" wherever it says "pinched"...just sayin'). Score: Ron 4, Pam 7.
Pam felt indestructible in her plastic crab suit. Ron felt silly in his rubber overalls. They kept fighting. Ron would use his ultra-leg power and Pam would rub the product out of Ron's hair, Ron would throw a punch and Pam would crab-walk (that actually gets you lots of points in the UFC), Ron would take a step forward and Pam would push him back two. It seemed as if Ron had no answer.....and that was because he didn't.
A single tear ran down the face of Ron. He knew he was defeated. Pam took mercy. She lifted Ron up off the floor and clipped his head off with one of her giant pinchers. (Yes, that was Pam taking mercy on him!) It was an amazing bloody situation. Don't worry, Ron's head is in the fridge in his (old) cube if you want to tell him goodbye.
Pam wins 25-14 over who was once considered the fan favorite and people's Champ Ron Headoff. (Not to be confused with head-on, apply directly to the head).
Next up:
#12 Lindsey "Can I borrow a cup of sugar?" Naber
vs. #13 Ron ""Get these interns away from my cube" Hilson
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