a tech center full of hockey pucks

Who is the toughest, meanest Rawlings tech center employee? That is the question, first explored by Greg Williams, along with the regular members of El Tech Lucha Libre (also known as the Mixed Martial Arts InterOffice Fight Club). This is a group of people who have the ability to multiply like rabbits, but more like Gremlins - or like Mogwais who have eaten pizza after midnight no doubt. In any case, no one in the St Louis office is quite sure how many people reside in the Tech Center, and many are sceptical if this "tech center" really exists, let alone the chip on the shoulder warrior known as Wes "Padre del Pato" Lukash. But that's neither here nor there. Wes was here to stay, after scalping Scott "Cherry Garcia" Keene in Round 1. Here are some other little known facts on Lukash:

Nickname: Wes "tNile". He inflicts mosquito bite like attacks that can spread fear without reason that have been known to cause nausea or itching.
Favorite Care Bears character: Sunshine.
Favorite Ralph Maccio movie: Popcorn Shrimp
Favorite Recess activity: skipping

Now back to the fight. Lukash wasn't quite familiar with the is UFC or its rules (or lack thereof). He entered the Tech Center octagon clad in his MMAIOFC battle spandex - the brighter home uniforms. Unfortunately for him, he didn't see Becky Shaw "Redemption". As in Redemption for having to plan a wedding in the middle of hockey season. As in Redemption for having to carry the family honor in the UFC while Jeremy gardened. As in Redemption for having to fight in the Octagon, not a rink. And Redemption as in she had no time for this UFC.

That was apparent as she entered with a hockey stick and began knocking Tech Center employees one by one into Lukash - squashing the dreams of the Tech Center Lucha Libre along the way (along with other dreams). First, Biju Mathew (who carries really well, like a light ball) went scurrying into the legs of Lukash. Then, came Shilo "The Natural" Shively was swept into Lukash. Bob "Chorizo" Neauss was body checked across the tech center. Chad Caldwell "that ends well" was yanked out of his normal location (cheerleading from the sidelines) into the octagon and he was dropped like a human pyramid into the puddle known as Lukash. Shaw was on fire (per UFC rules, please don't play with fire).

Dennis "Re" Turner entered the fray, set to prove he could end this medlum. But, unfortunately, he instead saw this as an opportunity to test out the new Rush bat on the grill of Lukash. (way less exciting than a Head of lettuce, but better than a 2 liter bottle is all i can say). He then ((for good measure) picked up Lukash and drove him to the ground in a DDT TNT power drive. But that was it. He had an event to plan, and unlike Shaw, he has an event like every 6 hours from now until October. He was simply unable to stay in the fight long enough to make an impact. DT did growl angrily at Shaw, but then he had to hit the road again. He was gone.

Oh, and as for Jeremy "Boston Baked Bean" O'Hara, he was nowhere to be found today. He knew this wasn't the moment to talk to Becky. He was working from home.

This battle was over. Shaw wins 21-9-3 over Turner and Lukash.

She advances to meet yesterday's winner, Jeff "I see London, I see" France on Friday 9/7.

Up next:

we move back to the Rio Regional with:

#1 Ron "Busta" Kappauff versus #9 Pam "Pann Pann" Klostermann

Hit reply to vote. (or email to rawlingsUFC@gmail.com)

and put down the flammable objects around the fire when you play with it.