a playground battle

If silence combined with astute analytical skills could truly kill, these two warriors (Adam Shupe "rstar" and Biju "Cricket Superstar" Mathew) would be top UFC seeds. But unfortunately for the UFC, this was a battle best served for a playground. In fact, that's exactly where these two agreed to meet, in that one playground just east of our office. Yes, that one...

Mathew went to work first, holding his arm (or as Shupe would soon call it, his conceiled weapon of destruction) in a sling constructed from the finest composite weaves. As Shupe greeted him, he went to take a closer look at Biju's injured arm. But, no, it wasn't really injured and in fact that wasn't even an arm. It was a wicket! Biju unleashed both of his arms (along with his wicket) into a combined three prong or Fork Attack that gave him an early 3-0 lead. The lead expanded to 4-0 as Shupe was forced to ponder the amazing limberness of Mathew. Just where did that arm go?

Shupe knew he would have to retaliate. First, he got his muscles primed by doing the monkey bars. Slowly. Ending with a dismount that toppled Biju into the ground in a heap of pain. As Mathew riled around in shock and pain, Shupe took a break to eat a sandwich. The matchup was tied at 4, then with the Sandwich Shupe expanded his lead to 10-4, the lead was unfortunately recalculated to 8-6 when reports came in that the sandwich was actually made for him by his mother. But it was tasty and left Adam hungry to finish the job.

Adam went back to work, picking up Mathew in a careless but effective Wedgie lift, depositing him onto the Merry Go Round. But it wasn't so Merry. As Shupe spun the wheel faster and faster with one arm, he kept the second arm free for slapping - this created a crazy flap and whirl sound that has haunted many of Shupe's past victims, almost like the sound a vacuum makes when it picks up something just a little too big for its system. This lead began to get crazier, expanding to 20-6 at one point.

Then, suddenly, Shuperstar was attacked in a way almost too predictable for a UFC matchup. Biju grabbed Shupe's musclebound arm with two hands and began to twist, each arm in opposite directions. The move, known to the kids as an Indian Burn caused Adam's arms to tingle in an uncomfortable way. Biju cut the gap (and Shupe's arm) The score narrowed to 20-10.

But Shupe had enough. He got into his defensive stance that earned him the nickname "Bulldog" on the basketball courts and began to face-guard Mathew in an uncomfortably close but totally legal defensive maneuver. Mathew was smothered. He couldn't move. He had no choice. He had to retreat. This one was over, 22-10.

Shupe advances to meet the winner of our second Monday double dose matchup...