a flight planned a year ago

How could that be, you ask? Well, this was a UFC plot executed to perfection. Here's the story...

The time was Fall 2006. "6 Degrees of" Dan Cullinane had just finished watching another shoddy performance from his Fantasy Football team, The Cullinane Lady Bugs, led by his quarterback, the offensive (pun intended) Michael Vick. Vick had disappointed Cullinane one more time (side note: Cullinane had drafted Vick 3 years in a row at this point)

So Cullinane began a plan to go after Vick's reputation and to win the UFC in the process. Cullinane began the process by plotting at a family reunion (Before you ask - Dan's brother Thomas, the Missouri Optometrist of the Year, was not present). The plan was this: Dan would simply leak a few unsavory stories into the media while on a business road trip and then go on vacation. This would spiral (unlike many of Vick's passes) and take Vick out of the Rawlings roster and, potentially, flood the Rawlings front desk and countless others with emails, voicemails, and inquiries. The plan was brilliant.

I don't need to fill you in on the specifics of Dan's involvement, but I can tell you that Kelli "The Gate Keeper" Absheer came into work on the battle day filled with call after call after call... and beleaguered by the weeks of call after call after call. This creates what the Customer Service department used to refer to as Cauliflower Ear before the wireless headset was invented, and is also the reason many wrestlers wear head pieces.

The calls came in and Kelli was swamped. With each ring, Cullinane would enter and deliver a ninja-like slap onto her head. This went on for some time, giving Dan a commanding 16-2 lead until the loophole in Dan's plan emerged.... Kelli went on break.

That's right, and that's when the endurance training paid off. Kelli has typically ran 8.2 miles when Dan wakes up each morning and this endurance allowed Kelli to easily hunt Dan down. (Side note, Dan once legged a double into a triple in slow pitch so that's a tougher feat than it sounds!) When she found him, she gave him the Billy Blanks Tae Bo regimen, disk 2, to be specific. And with a boom, boom, slap, Dan's lead shrunk to 16-8.

That's when Neil "Rated R Superstar" Shapiro entered the fray, still excited from his victory yesterday. He jumped in the air between the two warriors, did an in-air splits regimen and threw both Kelli and Dan into separate walls with the power in his leg kicks. He left to fight another day, but these two both knew he was ready for them. Mind games, that's what this is about.

Kelli had to go back on call, and Dan went to post the Rawlings phone number on MySpace. This delivered another hundred or so calls and sealed the victory as Dan left for vacation.

Cullinane wins 23-8-1 over Absheer and Shapiro. He advances to meet Neil Shapiro Tuesday 8/28.

Up next, #14 Jeremy "Boston Bad Boy" O'Hara vs. #3 Andy "AK47" Pawlowski. Do NOT worry - I won't see these votes, Ryan Farrar will be calling the shots.

Hit REPLY to vote or email to RawlingsUFC@gmail.com.

Do the cool thing, don't play with flames.