double dose monday: a 3 way power struggle

This battle was the ultimate matchup of brawn. Of pure muscle power. A battle of cleanup hitters locked in a 7 vs 10 power struggle. Scott "Big Tuna" Siebers knew he would need more votes than the 3 he picked up in last season's defensive battle - a 3-2 victory, edging out Zoomy Zumbach. Accoring to insider reports, the Big Tuna didn't necessarily want this one. But then again, did he really want to devour a 6 gallon drum of whey protein, or was that just something that needed to be done?

Meanwhile, Cosmo Kraemer came in fresh after a loss last season in which his wife (a non-Rawlings employee) tried to vote for him. (It didn't count and it wasn't enough anyway but it did show nice unity, for what that was worth)

On to the fight, for two guys who really didn't care, this was a constant game of psych. Essentially, the two would take turns acting disinterested in the battle, then suddenly delivering a battle move of their choice.

First Siebers pretended to be on the phone. Just when Kraemer looked away, he delivered a lancing elbow to the jugular, momentarily dazing Cosmo. Cosmo in turn reached out his hand to high five Siebers. When Scott reached to accept this praise, Kraemer took that window and delivered a Larynx Clipsaw move, leaving Scott quiet (even for him). They then took turns ruffling each others hair and grunting. This combination resulted in a tight but non-exciting 6-6 tie.

That's when Dennis "Re" Turner entered the fray. Back from the road or the tech center or the UFC history books, I'm not sure, but back to the tune of someone who's been on the road and just wants to vent. He set up the inflatable hitting cage inside Scott's office, otherwise known as soundproofing the office to keep the neighbors from hearing the howls. Re Turner looked at the two combatants and began to get angry. Very angry. Was this what the UFC had become while he was out on the road? He became a Human Pinball - an Angry Human Pinball - bouncing from Cosmo to Tuna and back delivering a well-timed strike with each connection. He picked up speed with each attack, almost like he was playing Pong with these two would-be warriors. And he left this wreckage with a 12-9-9 lead over the others.

But this would not be a Wes Lukash redux. Turner would not have enough. Stamina wears on you when you're out all the time and the Re Turner wasn't ready. Cosmo began to spit and shake and shimmy. He's spent the past year not just planning sales meetings but also selling arms to the Navy and Air Force. And this experience allowed him to deliver a combined ground and aerial assault not seen in recent fights. He attacked high, with Flying Elbow Drops to the chins of both fighters, and he attacked low, taking out their legs and delivering them in a pile on the ground of Scott's office. He kindly marked "Basura" on the pile and left.

Kraemer wins this one 14-12-9 over DT and Siebers. He advances to meet the winner of our other double dose Monday matchup...