A Customer Service Extravaganza

Today was a day when Brucemania hit the mainstream. Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann arrived into work wearing his wetsuit. This would allow him to handle any attack he might receive, while maintaining a slippery feel that would keep his opposition (Bob "Sausage" Neauss) unable to get a firm grip.

And, in true Dickmann form, he was prepared and correct.

Neauss went in for the first strike, going for it all with an Indian Burn arm grab. Unfortunately for him, he slipped right out of this grip and right into a Dickmann Sandwich. For those of you who don't know about a Dickmann sandwich, it contains a layer of Bruce, whatever he can find to put in the next layer, another layer of Bruce, followed by several layers of condiments and roughage and sealed off by another layer of Bruce. In this case, that first layer became Neauss. Neauss was tangled in a mess and there was, let me tell you, no easy escape.

Dickmann devoured Neauss early on, getting him in close with the Sandwich, then delivering several in close moves that were likely painful but were out of earshot of the officials. (Similar to tactics Bruce employs on the basketball courts.) The only thing I can tell you is that some people (who don't know Bratwurst etiquette) like to take a sharp object and poke holes in the brat to let out the juice (or goodness) prior to cooking said brat. Bruce doesn't follow etiquette when he battles.

Dickmann led by a Voorhees-esque 15-1 tally before Neauss was able to escape. After escaping, he decided his best tactic was to use his quickness to his advantage. (Yes, it was to his advantage, which says a lot for both athletes' speed in this battle) He also decided to use a fishing net to entangle Dickmann, frustrate him, and bring him in for "questioning". This worked fairly well, as it hooked in the larger Dickmann and allowed Neauss the opportunity to work him over pretty good as they say out in the tech center.

The gap tightened to 15-10. But that was as close as it'd get. Dickmann, now angry and tired broke through the net in a fury and delivered a leg sweep to Neauss, dropping him to the ground. He then jetissoned out of the wetsuit and piled on top of Neauss with one final move, known as simply the Hammer.

The Hammer does hurt. A lot.

Bruce "Bruce" wins this matchup 22-11.

He advances to meet the winner of our next battle:

#8 Art Chou "D2" vs. #9 Matt "Number Enforcer" Howell

Hit Reply to this email to vote. or email to rawlingsufc@gmail.com

good luck.

and don't play with fire. it'll be the last thing you play with.