Windy City Shocker? Not this time.

Every year we say it... Someday a #16 seed will upset a #1 seed. The law of averages shows this just plain old has to work out. And, believe me, Bob "Windy City Shocker" Tomaszewski has crunched those numbers. Last year no #1 seeds made it to the final four. That's a big amount of pressure to put on Tomaszewski -- a man who is no stranger to pressure. And, he's spent the offseason dropping into his battle weight. But did he have enough stomach to take on Debbie "Pay Roll" Hudgens?

Hudgens, for those who are unaware, has competition in the blood - with competitive motocross in the family.

Tomaszewski brings a mix of Al Capone and Chicago-style pizza to the table.

This fight began early. And it began in the unlikeliest of places... the downstairs cafe, or as it was known today, the "Mess Hall."



Debbie was there, ready for her morning caffeine and psych up session when she received a slightly bony and completely uncomfortable pat on the shoulder. One moment later, she found herself in a grip known as the "Cobra Clutch." Tomaszweski is a sneaky devil. He had snuck up behind Hudgens in line, where he used one arm to put Hudgens into a half nelson. He took his other arm and pulled Hudgens' arm and pulled it across her face, locking hands behind the neck. All this before Debbie could place her order.

Tomaszewski took an early 2-0 lead but Hudgens is a master of escape. All it took was a move many a woman (and some men) know all too well. It's simple, but it is effective. I'll call it the foot stomp with a stilleto-style heel. If you've never been foot stomped before (and Bob had not), they are mighty painful. Hudgens sent Tomaszewski flying into the condiment stand as she evened the score at 2-2.

That may have been her mistake. Letting up for a second. The Shocker recovered, grabbing her by her brown locks, and dragged her into the elevator. It was time for a quick trip upstairs to finish the job. He hurled her up to the second floor and went to work, popping a Chicago style Deep Dish pizza out of the microwave and lifting wafts into the air that made a deliciously painful combination with the previously microwaved popcorn bag. Debbie had no chance, she nearly fainted from the fumes as Tomaszewski took one delicious bit after another.

With the Shocker up 8-2, things were looking pretty grim for Hudgens. But that's when he faced another unpredictabile moment... Maryann "What you talkin' about" Whitis was in Ben "Forecast for Pain" Schoen's cube under the gauze of "helping him with his PMMs." I have no clue what PMM stands for, but according to a quick Google search, PMM means:

PMM - PolyMatchMaker - The perfect place to find your Poly mate(s)!
An online personals site for poly people.

Don't ask me. Try it for yourself.

Anyways Whitis leapt out of Schoen's cube with such agility as it caught the Windy City Shocker by storm. She delivered a magnificent thump to his jugular, depositing Bob nicely in a heap as she moved back to her desk. This was enough of a gap for Debbie to begin processing some payroll moves - and let's just say she gave Bob a few additional deductions to think about. Like 6 more. The gap closed to 15-9. Momentum in payroll was mounting faster than both days of the month when what the rest of us simply know as Magic happens.

Bob looked to get himself together. He pondered the odds. And he smiled. That evil, deceptive, is he really smiling or do I smell kind of smile. He leapt to his feet in a flip, delivering a delicate yet painful paper cut to the left hand of Hudgens. As Debbie looked at her hand, she pondered if Bob might get violent. But, no, it wasn't time for violence. It was time for a battle of probabilities. And Bob was ready, asking Debbie a series of questions that Debbie had no answer for... it's tough to answer when you can't see the questions coming. And believe me, Bob was asking these questions in a truly painful manner.

Debbie landed in the same pile that all other 16 seeds have landed, while Bob advances to meet the winner of the next battle:

#8 Dan "My email address is not support@rawlings.com" Jundt versus #9 Carol "The" Mark.