Who wants a piece of Bob Neaus?

There they stood.

10 young men and women all sharing one desire. A desire to take down each other and enter into a smackdown on Monday with Bob "Sausage" Neaus.

Now there are several tactics one can take in order to go after that Battle Royal title. Do you go at it alone, or do you join others to launch a bigger competitor out of the ring? Or do you blend in, hoping to not get noticed? Who could forget the WrestleMania (definitely not Hoying) where the group of little fellas took down Andre the Giant?

Now, the general consensus tactic for success begins by staying as close to the center of the ring as possible, reducing the odds that a sudden trip won't easily eliminate you. Too bad Tom "AshKicked" Asher and Nick "Yogi" Berra weren't paying attention to the basics. The two began the match by what could best be described as a cross between an awkward high-five and a middle school pillow fight. As they leaped in mid-air, Maggie "Lindenwood Assassin" Weisler provided a gentle shove - just enough to knock Tom off balance. Tom pulled Nick to safety... on the wrong side of the ring. Dropping the field to 8. But as she stared in awe at the destruction, it was too late. (True UFC combatants learn to never lock your legs - keep them poised and at the ready. Keep this in mind as these games continue) Erin "David Lee" Rothweiler delivered a two handed bounce pass, sending Weisler to the ground in a heap of Berra and Asher. 7 remained.

Now, according to the Legends of Wrestling video game, "After you get past your first opponent, start to taunt. By the time your original opponent makes it to the dressing room and the next opponent comes out, you
should be close to having your special. If you do have your special, punch the new opponent as soon as he comes in to make him groggy. Now, hit your special. This will take off more than enough to eliminate him. Pick him up, and toss him out of the ring and eliminate him. Continue to taunt while staying away from the other 2 wrestlers in the ring. Continue this strategy until you win the battle royal."

I'm not sure what that whole thing means, but what is clear is that having a special is a good thing. A powerful thing. And that's what Paul "Ray Ray" Wray brings to the table. In sports, we call it an X-Factor or an It factor (not to be confused with an I.T. factor, which is a specialty of Suzyn Siebert's). In the UFC, a special might be known as a Northern Lights Suplex. Wanna know what that is? Click here and envision Ray Ray picking up "Husky" Paul Jonff and dropping him into the turf before hurling him casually to the side. (Oh, that dropped us to 6 combatants)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cLmUjieWhxY

What else was going on, you ask? Well, when one of the regular Rawlings employees heard "wrestling", he was there. Dave "Italian Stallion" Bommarito entered the ring in a brand new midnight black wrestling singlet. He snapped the strap into his left shoulder, sending a whimper of fear through the intern clan. Bommarito picked up Nick "Human Lancer" Hoette and jousted him into the midsection of Nathan "Crouching Tiger" Hudock. Bommarito left the ring in a whirlwind of silence, while Hoette flung Hudock out of the ring in an aerodynamic display that would impress even the stingiest judges. But his follow through did not include a 180 kick to the small of the back... Maryann "What you Talking About" Whitis was on the way, seeking to reduce the number of parts in the system by tossing aside Mr Hoette. Mission accomplished. She smiled a sigh of relief and headed off, leaving 4 in the ring.

In the SE corner of the ring, another battle was taking place. David "GI" Muir and Daniel "San" Tirado were toeing off. Tirado was clinging to his handy drawing machine, GI was reading a manual on the anatomy of the human hand. Essentially both were pretending to be busy (a nice UFC Battle Royal tactic by the way). But apparently they didn't know that Paul "Ray Ray" was used to being ignored. He is willing to fight through it and press on. But before he could pounce, he saw Rothweiler enter the fray. She gave him that look. (no, not that look Seth.) In a synchronized move, Rothweiler and Wray lifted Muir and Tirado onto their shoulders. It was time for a good old game of chicken fighting.

Muir went to work on Tirado's drawing pad - putting in shapes and colors that wouldn't pass any line review. Tirado responded by showing Muir his hand... and delivering it into his forehead with a sudden thump. Muir was wobbly and woozy. Tirado delivered a kick - just enough to throw both Muir and his "handler", Rothweiler out of the ring.

There were only two left, but when you are down to two, the best place to be is NOT on the shoulders of your opponent. You got it, Ray Ray extended his neck in a groovy way that sent Tirado airborne. He twisted and supplanted Tirado onto the mat, where he calmly steamrollered him out of the ring.

The winner and last intern standing was Paul Wray.

It's time to re-write the record books. Here are your past 20 Royal Rumble winners:

1988 Jim Duggan
1989 Big John Studd
1990 Hulk Hogan
1991 Hulk Hogan
1992 Ric Flair
1993 Yokozuna
1994 Bret Hart
1995 Shawn Michaels
1996 Shawn Michaels
1997 Steve Austin
1998 Steve Austin
1999 Vince McMahon
2000 The Rock
2001 Steve Austin
2002 Triple H
2003 Brock Lesnar
2004 Chris Benoit
2005 Batista
2006 Rey Mysterio
2007 Ray Ray

Ray Ray takes on Bob "Sausage" Neaus today, for the right to enter into the tourney against Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann.

Who do you think Dickmann should battle?

Email your vote for Neauss or Wray to rawlingsufc@hotmail.com.

Good luck. And do the cool thing. Don't play with fire.