Seth's Power of Pink

All the best athletes tend to get known by shortened versions of their names. In baseball, we have Dice K and A-Rod. Basketball has T-Mac and A.I. Football has LT. And the Rawlings UFC has L-Rod. As in "Crystal" Seth Elrod. Now before we get into this battle let's answer a favorite question of our readers:

Q: "How did seth earn the nickname Crystal?"
A: "It is purely rumor that L-Rod is from Crystal City. He is in fact from Warrenton. There is a crystal outlet in the Warrenton outlet mall that Seth used to visit while growing up. This shop played quite a role in the wedding planning Seth began back in 1999. It became a weekend activity of his to go, check out what was new and discontinued and he'd update that registry. Unfortunately for Seth, this planning didn't pay off as they are not registered here. Seth will reportedly though be wearing at least one crystal slipper down the aisle this weekend."

On to the fight. L-Rod knew he couldn't fight dirty for many reasons. 1) his wedding is this weekend. And any unsightly marks on his face might totally throw off the wedding pictures. 2) He just got his wedding hair cut and if he got in close he knew Brian might be willing to pull on it. And 3) Let's face it. Dirty isn't Seth's game.

Those UFC fighters who know their game have a shot. Both fighters knew their game. First, Brian (a former high jumper who once jumped 6'10" in the air, which is higher than either me with an apple on my head or Tim Lord with Travis on his head) approached. The crowd began to clap in unison as he approached. With a spring from his left leg, Hoying leapt in the air and delivered a high-jump spike just beneath the ear of Seth, ruffling Elrod as he panickedly looked to make sure he was still ready for that photo. (he was) Hoying leapt to a 4-0 lead.

Seth knew his game too. It was time to battle Hoying in a battle of Ballroom Dancing. And up first was the Fox Trot, or as Seth interprets it the "Cougar Trot". The Cougar Trot follows a rhythm of slow-slow-quick-quick. And with each forceful step, Seth delivered a kick that was inspired from each Peg Legs game he'd skipped to work on the move. With a slow slow quick quick attack, L-Rod pounced to an astounding 11-4 lead.

Now Brian approached L-Rod, and gave him the dizzifying Tilt-a-Whirl Smack and Spin technique, which began with Seth being confused and ended by Seth being still confused but also the recipient of the Ultimate Wedgie -- a move perfected by Hoying on recent trips to China. Seth winced in pain and watched as his boxers were ripped right off his body (the second time he'd endured such a circumstance in less than a week, but that's another story altogether)... Hoying closed the gap to 13 15/32 to 11 17/32 (one judge was unwilling to commit a full point for this attack).

Then, L Rod disappeared, no doubt for a wardrobe change. He appeared moments later, primed and ready to go in his pink button down, tucked in of course - a surprise to many onlookers who expected to see his shirt of a thousand birds. But not this time. Hoying stood at attention but couldn't react quick enough. Splat. He was hit in the face by some "product" (hair stuff) and then by another "product" (Seth's left elbow). The Power of Pink had prevailed.

L-Rod wins 16 15/32 to 11 17/32, making it 3 straight upset victories in the UFC. He advances to meet the winner of our next battle:

#6 Jason "J2 The Silencer" Voorhees versus #11 Mark "of Darkness" Barry

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and, tell your kids to play it cool. don't play with fire.