Keene fights more than just Bensing

Thanks Greg for one more commentary!

Keene sucker punched Bensing, and the fight was over. 11-10

Or was it?

As Keene climbed atop the winner’s podium, a faint rumbling could be heard in the distance, slowly growing louder. It sounded like thunder, felt like an earthquake, and was accompanied by some type of music. Bystanders uneasily looked around, confused at first and then cringed as it became clear that the music was unmistakably the song, “It’s Raining Men,” a fact that could mean only one thing…and there they were. Around the corner came sprinting (more like jogging in slow motion--Baywatch style) the infamous members of El Tech Lucha Libre (also known as the Mixed Martial Arts InterOffice Fight Club—the UFC’s rival organization based out of the Tech Center. As a refresher, members include Bob “Chorizo” Neaus, Mark “Codo que Estalla” Robinson, Wes “Padre del Pato” Lukash, and Chad “Papel Flojo” Caldwell). The warriors were clad from head to toe in colorful spandex and had recently added gold capes and masks to their ensemble, making them even more ferocious looking than ever as they stood proudly at the foot of the winner’s podium.

Huffing and puffing from their sprint down the hallway, El Tech Lucha Libre spent a few moments regrouping. Neaus sucked on his inhaler, Robinson took a quick cat nap, Caldwell found a mirror in which to admire himself, and Lukash ate a hotdog. As Lukash wiped the last bit of mustard from his face, the group reassembled and put on their best mean faces.

Though surely frightened, Keene was not yet willing to forfeit his place on the winner’s podium, and he beckoned for the fearsome warriors to proceed.

After a quick huddle El Tech Lucha Libre decided on a plan.

Robinson struck first. Taking a running start, he leapt into the air, and did his best attempt at a flying roundhouse kick to knock Keene off the podium. He likely saw it going differently in his mind as the end result could be more closely described as him awkwardly hurtling the podium, flailing his arms, and crashing down the stairs. Robinson’s contribution ended as he stood up and split open the seat of his spandex. He hung his head and dejectedly trudged toward the bathroom to fix his costume.

Next in line, Caldwell adjusted his cape before sprinting down the hall, away from the action, stunning the crowd with his cowardliness (he later claimed he had some bat testing to get to...).

After rolling his eyes, Neus quickly gobbled some steroids and jumped into the action looking for trouble. He didn’t have to look long, as he promptly tripped on his cape, hit his head on the podium and fell unconscious.

It looked like it would be up to Lukash to salvage any pride El Tech Lucha Libre had left. With his belly peaking out from between his spandex uppers and lowers, Wes charged in for the kill. What followed next included perhaps some of the largest innovations in the history of organized fighting. Lukash pulled out all sorts of never before seen wrestling moves including the 'upside down merry-go-round', the 'Zanzabar elephant shuffle', the 'flying snow angel', and a crowd favorite, the 'double dutch two-step'. Clearly Wes had been spending a good deal of time practicing on Biju as his technique was flawless. Keene tried to fight back, but was helpless against Lukash’s indefensible maneuvers.

Lukash quickly finished off Keene, grabbing the victory as well as a hard earned spot in the UFC.

Your winner by tremendous upset (sure to cause a stir in the UFC): Wes Lukash (with 12 points) narrowly edges out Keene (11) and Bensing (10).

A little info on your very own Wes Lukash:
Favorite movie: Fantasia
Favorite spectator sport: Carnivals
Favorite book: Mary-Kate and Ashley: Our Story
Hobbies: clicking internet pop-ups
Favorite exercise: jogging in place
Biggest Crush: Joan Cusack
Favorite food: jelly beans, but not the green ones
Phobia: parallel parking, urinals