Edwardsville Regional Preview

Couresy of Seth Elrod, here's a breakdown of the E-Ville Region.

Welcome to the preseason analysis of the Rawlings UFC Edwardsville Regional. This is where you find out who made it, who didn’t, and who shouldn’t have. This region looks as competitive as the rest and by playing on the ILL-side of the river you know they’ll be a little tougher.

Let’s break it down, pound for pound:

#1 Bruce Dickmann

vs.

#16 Bob Nauss / Intern Play In

You may have been clever enough to guess the number one seed in this region, its big Bruce “Bruce” Dickmann. Not only is he returning from a strong showing from a year ago, but he’s also the only fighter with his own first name as his nickname. His long drive home and frequent trips to “Washington” (notice the quotes) have allowed him plenty of time to plan this year’s attack. To steal a line from one of the great philosophers on the hip-hop station I listen to, “like short said, let Bruce, Bruce hit it.” Watch out for: Spin moves, fake sleeping (he doesn’t sleep….he waits), and pure man-strength.

Bruce’s opponent is a new face to the UFC no matter who wins. The first step will be the intern play-in match. This basically comes down to all of the interns being thrown into an enclosed area, the heat turned up, and see who can last the longest…..with attack dogs who conveniently get full after 8 of the 9 interns are eaten. Weird. Watch out for: ideas that they think are really good, but probably aren’t since they’re only interns, but we still have to humor them like they are….and giggling.

The next step is for the survivor of the intern battle to face the relatively unknown Bob “for apples” Nauss. He lives at the Tech Center so he has all the space he needs to get ready for his first UFC. Now all he has to do is figure out what UFC stands for. Watch out for: Bat graphics that aren’t approved by the graphics dept., humor as a fight tactic, and a mean head butt from all that time bobbing for apples.

#8 Art Chou

vs.

#9 Matt Howell

That’s right gentlemen, take a deep breath….you’re in. The higher ranked opponent is Art “color-by-number” Chou, VP of Kicking Butt. Watch out for elbow throwing, golf swings, and young sparing partner Jackson.

Matt “Wolf-man” Howell will be his opponent. Matt is an old pro at the UFC and one of the most involved in this region (aka he knows all your tricks). Watch out for: Budget adjusting, a strong kickball kick, strong support from the 3^rd floor, and howling.

#4 Logan Justice

vs.

#13 Ben Schoen

Nope, Logan’s not the highest ranked female in this region, but that doesn’t mean I’m not calling for an upset. Logan “How cool is my name btw?” Justice will scare you off with her name alone, you don’t even need to listen to the rumors of her training…everyday…at lunch…harder than you train….trust me. Watch out for: Cardiovascular capacity, tripwires, and knowledge about Worth’s applied product division….you didn’t even know they did that.

Link: http://worthsports.com/applied/

Logan’s opponent is non other than the spreadsheet wiz-kid Ben “Spreadsheet wiz-kid” Schoen. That’s right, he’s a wiz at spreadsheets. If you ever need to contact him about an excel question, simply dial extension 2819 on your work phone. Watch out for: new fighting skills he picked up on the 2^nd floor, spreadsheet skills, and a name that isn’t pronounced like its spelled.

#5 Mark Malone

vs.

#12 Maya Bradstreet

Mark “Mailman” Malone is more than a mail carrier, he’s respectably ranked 5^th in this region due to his fighting skills and heavy training routine. He’ll cut your throat as easy as cutting your budget. Watch out for: ninja-knife skills, Wilson shorts, and knee braces.

His opponent, Maya “Take a right on” Bradstreet…..then turn left onto I’ll Beat Your Brains Out Avenue for about a half mile…..then turn another left on You’re Dead Lane. Watch out for: Better shoes than you, round-house kicks, and nutrition plans.

#3 Jason McCartney

vs.

#14 Greg Williams

Jason “not that other Jason” McCartney is sure to make a run in this bracket. A strong competitor last year and a respectable seed (ha) gives him the street-cred he needs to be a winner. Watch out for: knowing you’re about to enter his cube because he looks in the T-Mac poster, mutant-type strength, lassoing, and wishing he was dead b/c he’s red on the head.

Greg “Caption” Williams is picked to be his victim….but I wouldn’t be too sure about that. Sure Greg can come up with vacation picture comments better than anyone, but is he a UFC contender? I guess we’ll find out. Watch out for: Glove lacing, glove leather, MIT diplomas, and knowledge from maybe the sexiest fighter in the competition Denny “Bringing Sexy Back” Whiteside.

#6 Adam Shupe

vs.

#11 Biju Matthew

Adam “Shupe-a-loop” Shupe is probably good at this too, just add it to the list of kickball, basketball, and running (and lady-getting’…oh yeah). Watch out for: a more aerodynamic haircut, new fighting location on 1^st floor, and left-over tuna eating that he picked up from his boss. (I made that last one up).

His competition is Biju “fantasy genius” Matthew, the meanest S.O.B. that side of the Missouri river. That’s right, he’s a Tech Center fighter and the K in Hwy. K stands for Killer. Watch out for: statistically analyzing his opponents, brutality, and swords.

#7 Suzyn Siebert

vs.

#10 Liz Liverar

Suzyn “Orange Sherbet” Siebert is another newcomer to the game of UFC (p.s. For all you newcomers, its more than a game). You may think she’s a breath of fresh air when you hear her voice on the support line when your computer freezes up, but she’ll turn on you like a Lion eating its own cub. Watch out for: Telling you to restart your computer, you listening, and then your computer problems are fixed and then you’re happy. Oh, and she kick-boxes….for fun.

Her match up is Liz “Liver-cutter-outer” Liverar. She fights like a Pro…or like she’s in the Pro dept. anyway. Be cautious of her pleasantness, word on the street is that she’ll punch you in the face for looking at her wrong. Watch out for: “what Ted?,” eye-gouging, and empty pockets from too many kids in college….which also leads to worry which leads to anger…which leads to taking it out on you.

#2 Kate Ranzini

vs.

#15 Julie Antry

The 2^nd highest ranked member of the UFC Club in the Edwardsville Regional is Kate “Bleepin’“ Ranzini. Bleepin’ Kate will kick your bleepin’ bleep right into bleepin’ next week….and I’m being bleepin’ nice about it. Watch out for: Cursing, “bleepin’ what Ted?” and cat-like reflexes.

Her opponent is Julie “Aunt Ant” Antry. Just in case you were wondering her nickname is more than just a play off her last name, Ants carry up to 20 times their body weight and she’s like the cool Aunt….not the Aunt you don’t like. That’s one mean combo. It’s a good thing she’s an accountant because she’ll need those skills to add up the booty she’s kicking. Watch out for: quick math, generous heart, weight lifting skills, and laser beams.

Darkhorse: Greg Williams (in this case is it Dark Stallion?)

Most Overrated: Bob Nauss (yes, he’s ranked 16^th)

Biggest Surprise: Suzyn Siebert at #7

The Fighter to Watch: Jason McCartney, he’ll probably cry, but he’ll fight on

Key Matchup: Jason McCartney vs. Greg Williams (watch those hands boys)

Key Matchup if seeds hold: Bruce Dickmann vs. Art Chou

Person you’ll most likely throwaway a vote on: Biju Matthew

I know what you’re wondering, who will win the region? This is the hardest thing to do….and the odds are against me guessing correctly, but I have to in this role. My guess to win the Edwardsville Regional is…………..Maya “Take a Right on” Bradstreet. A GIRL!! You heard it here first, trust me if you’d like. Who’s going to vote against her?

And that’s the wrap up of the Edwardsville Regional for the 2007 Rawlings UFC. Nicknames have not been approved by the individuals mentioned in this publication. The views of this program are not necessarily the views of Rawlings employees as a whole, but by the individual who wrote this. Good luck.