Chicago Regional Preview

Thanks to Matt Howell, here's your Chicago Regional preview:

It’s been previously announced that the 1 seed of this region is Bob Tomaszewski, but how does the rest of the region stack up as the fighters try and make their way through some deep dish pizza to get to the round of 4.

The 1 seed gets the 16 seed draw and I wouldn’t want to draw this fighter. Debbie “No More Employee Order Requests for Sunbeam Toasters” Hudgens draws the 16 seed to face the hometown boy. Bob may be wily and a powerhouse but this one is ripe for a 16-1 upset. Will the fight be fair? Rumors of paycheck holding and withholding errors are some of the threats coming from the 1^st floor. While I still suspect Bob T will pull out a win, when you owe $6,000 in taxes next April because nothing was withheld from your paycheck, you’ll rethink your vote maybe next time. This one could be scary.

In the classic hard goods vs soft goods battle, Scott “Howard” Keene brings in the 2 seed battling Apparel wizard, Matt “Don’t Call Me Hilton” Bensing with our 15 seed. I hear cries of ‘no respect’ coming from the apparel wing of the first floor. With probably one of the toughest matchups of this round, Hilton tested Bensing will have his hands full of…well, gloves. Will Keene use the web backing or the vise grip? Will Bensing pull out a rare Hilton color scheme out of closeouts…lime green…ugh? This has all the makings of an epic battle but I predict that hard is better than soft any day….insert your own joke here….and the glove man will prevail over Matt Bensing.

There’s a little bit of a question of identity with our 3 seed? Is it France of the Light or France of the Dark? As Jeff “Viva La” France makes his repeat appearance in the Big Fight, his dual personality could make trouble for newcomer and 14 seed, Jeff “Noser” Noser. While it is being dubbed the Jeff squared matchup, who does Noser prepare for? The white-shoed fighter blinding his opponents with a glorious sheen off those sneakers or the dark-clad lurker, hiding in the shadows ready to surprise his prey? While Noser has his own tricks up his sleeve hiding deep in the regions of the Midwest, France’s dual threat may be too much to overcome? However, this will be closer than people think. Noser is well traveled, learning the ways of various fighters in the UFC ravaged, Missouri, Iowa, and Kansas. Plus if France of the Light and France of the Dark split the vote, Noser could sneak in with a win.

It seems like our 4 seed, Dave “I Can Get You a Great Value on Your Trade-in” Bommarito, has already done a bit of campaigning. Apparently confident about his inclusion in this year’s Big Fight, Dave has plastered his name on various car dealerships and trunks of cars throughout the St. Louis area. Maybe unaware that the vote is limited to employees only, Dave’s name is everywhere. In Round 1, he draws Bill “Trashimoto” Garbe, with the 13 seed. Rumors have that Bill has been traveling to Japan to train with contestants of ‘Ninja Warrior’ to improve his fight skills. On paper, this is a tough one to call, but I feel the Graphics department will suffer their first loss here with name recognition being the key. That, and I hear Dave is a pretty good wrestler and I wouldn’t want to be on the wrong side of a singlet take dawn…ugh.

One of the more interesting matchups of the region pits 5 seed Ryan “Always an Intern” Farrar against UFC newcomer Mick “Get All Your Accruals in TODAY” Portell with the 12 seed. Formerly an intern, Farrar brings some fight experience to the table. Both pitchers in their college careers, we’ll see who has the better fastball. Will the MoBap youngster out duel the crafty SLU hurler? Will the UFC’s equivalent of Greg Maddux be able to get the best of Farrar? But really Portell’s the true rookie here so will the experience of the veteran competitor be able to slide by a nasty Uncle Charlie to the old guy? There’s also always, always a 12-5 upset. Since Portell has the power to shut off the gloves no charge account faster than Farrar could order up a sample, how will it all shake out? There’s no telling the outcome of this one. I predict a draw. Both leave the 9^th with no hitters on the line…it will be up to the bullpens to decide this one. Or the first vote……

And now for the epic matchup that could make us a ton of dough on pay per view. The 6 seed, Mike “Once You’ve Gone to a Game, You Can’t Go to Another One the Rest of the Year” Thompson vs our very own 11 seed, Ted “How Many Yards to the Back of the Green—and Don’t Call Me Grady” Sizemore. When the field was selected, who could have predicted this matchup? Teddie’s been honing his skills with a sand wedge out of the deep bunker while Thompson’s been busy trying to give away Cardinals tickets this year. Neither is a clear favorite. If the matchup is within a 3-wood distance of a golf course, the advantage shifts to Sizemore; otherwise it’s all Thompson. Toughened by hangers on (me included) wanting World Series tickets last year, Thompson will likely prevail in the UFC ring; Sizemore wins by 2 strokes on the course.

Ah, the 7-10 matchup. Both out of staters. Our 7 seed is filled by native Tennessean, John “Don’t Call Me Robert or Charles” Parish. His matchup is against native back-Easter (not the holiday), Becky “I’m Smarter then Jeremy” Shaw. Operations vs. Tech Center. Hmmmm…Becky has all the developmental super secret R&D tools at her disposal to help her train and master those skills while John in his frequent trips to China has mastered the art of…well, at least finding something to eat. This one is tough to call as each has his or her own base of support. In the end, Becky will likely prevail as John will be blindsided; too busy trying to figure out how to source something else coming out of the tech center.

We round out this region with the always tough to call 8-9 fight. The 8 seeded Dan “My E-mail Address is NOT support@rawlings.com” will face off against Carol “Has My P.O. Been Approved Yet” with the 9 seed. If e-mails to the help desk counted, Dan would win in a landslide. Fielding phone calls and e-mails and IMs from computer users all over the country has got to give Dan an edge on endurance and craftiness. But, Carol, in her tenure at Rawlings has picked up a thing or two as she studied all the fighting techniques from last year. This one is impossible to call. The 2^nd floor/3^rd floor matchups are always tough to predict. Dan may buzz her with one of his model airplanes which may be just the edge he needs to squeak out a win against a tough competitor.

So, in summary, your matchups are

1 Bob Tomaszewski vs.
16 Debbie Hudgens

8 Dan Jundt vs.
9 Carol Mark

4 Dave Bommarito vs.
13 Bill Garbe

5 Ryan Farrar vs.
12 Mick Portell

3 Jeff France/Jeff France vs.
14 Jeff Noser

6 Mike Thompson vs.
11 Ted Sizemore

7 John Parish vs.
10 Becky Shaw

2 Scott Keene vs.

15 Matt Bensing