can darkness be silenced?

Mark "of Darkness" Barry got in a bit early this morning, getting ready for a big meeting at a large retail partner somewhere. He had felt it - that signal, much like the Bat signal of comic books. When a retailer shines that signal, that light, Barry puts on his suit and heads off. But before leaving, he had a special surprise to occupy his competition. He sent off an email, one of the more powerful tactics used by executives in companies worldwide, including our beloved Rawlings Group. But not just any email. It was an email with things to do. A little something to work on. And pronto.

Yes, Jason "Silencer" Voorhees (known as J2 which literally translates to JTWO or Japanese Trained Warrior Ossassin) had an email waiting for him. It seemed a retail partner who shall remain nameless needed a set of somewhere between 90 and 120 PDQs to be made by hand. Barry's workload delivered an early 2-0 lead. And then, he added a bonus: he didn't give all the info JTWO would need. 3-0 Barry with a smack as he readied himself to leave town…

But the Silencer was not going to let this workload get in the way of doing biz-ness. And we saw something that has not yet been seen in UFC play. Never. I'll give you the rundown. Please do not forward this email to young children as it might be a little J2 Violent for their eyes.

J2 was waiting for the Darkness in the parking lot or as it was known this morning, the parking octagon.

He saw Barry and put on his battle gear, consisting of a cape (2 points), short sleeves and short shorts to reveal extra tattoos (2 points), and jazz hands (2 points). He approached Barry like Ron Kappauff heading for a kickball and delivered a thump of his new Puma kicks to the legs of the lankier Barry, stopping him in his tracks. Voorhees led 8-3.

Then came a moment of training, a mix tape of pain delivered upon a UFC combatant like never before. It started with an elliptical routine, with gradually rising feet hitting to the beats of a White Stripes tune. This was a warmup, but we were already seeing the remnants of Mark Barry's grill being tattooed on Voorhees' sneakers. This routine led to a lead of 18-3.

Up next, the bicycle. With extra sweat. And if the leg work wasn't enough, trust me the musical arrangement wasn't exactly to Barry's taste buds. The lead rose to 25-3.

And, for the grand finale, Voorhees called on the dogs. He began to bark or howl (no doubt a sign for his next combatant that he's not afraid of a cougar catcher) He delivered what is best described as a wet dog routine. A shaking and sweat filled convulsion that left Barry motionless and out for the count. (A TWO count)

In the end, we all know that V stands for Victory. As in a pummelizing, demorailizing 37 point run in route to a 37-3 defeat. Finally "General" Lee Lummus can breathe easier!

Voorhees advances to meet Crystal Seth L-Rod on August 24^th. I'm predicting a short honeymoon for L-Rod.

Up next: #7 Barb "Pro Pane" Foerstel versus #10 Sharon "the Bad Seed" Adams

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And do the cool thing, tell your kids (who obviously weren't reading this) to not play with fire.