The score was tied at 13.
Travis sprinted back into his office. He closed the door, sending echoes throughout the walls of the Rawlings Group, revealing a mirror (life size) hidden behind his closed doors.
Gessley stared at the mirror and flexed. First his left arm, then his right. He walked to his desk and grabbed a nice, tasty protein shake.
This time it was Celery surprise.
Mmm.
He was ready. Next he marched out to Mathis’ cube. Mathis was ready with a taunt, standing on top of her cube, blaring a little Village People. Macho Man.
Gessley was enraged. He leaped (but couldn’t reach her). He tried again. No luck. Mathis led 15-13.
Then he outsmarted her, climbing up to the desk and grabbing her stereo – racing outside in the process as he took a 18-15 lead.
Mathis followed to the parking lot. But it was too late. In slow motion she saw what happens when a mack truck collides with a stereo. Ten Times, that is.
She felt the wind drop from her sails as she fell behind now 25-15.
Mathis tried to respond – rolling up her sleeves and calling out Gessley.
Mathis, you see, had another stereo. A POWERFUL iPod, with speakers, and she cranked it.
Gessley roared his engine.
It was a battle of the bands. They both roared. Travis yelled. Mathis (and Seth) sang loudly to a little Justin Timberlake.
And the score rallied up. Nothing could stop the NOISE.
Until Carol “Off the Mark came on the scene. She yelled stop the madness. And she jumped onto Gessley’s car in one leap, pointed a finger at Mathis and cackled, quietly. Her point was made.
Gessley exited his vehicle.
Then, streaking through the parking lot there came a great White Light. It was France of the Light.
With three thumps from his K Swisses (these), he announced his intentions for next season.
OUCH.
But it was getting late. Gessley sprang to his feet, climbed the ladder back to his car, and jumped from the cabin, doing a cannonball power drop onto Mathis, knocking the iPod from her hand. Before she could react, he was back onto his truck, shirt off, flexing, holding the iPod like the lady liberty logo. Posing. He jumped again, flipped into a somersault attack.
And there was silence.
Gessley wins 39-27-3-1-1 over Wendy France Bell and Mark.
Stay tuned for next year.
Wednesday, October 11, 2006
Friday, October 06, 2006
UFC Title Match Begins
Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis began to tire of the stories and legend growing regarding Travis "British Bulldog/Monster Truckin" Gessley. She had to constantly sit at her desk, crank up the (soft) rock and try to drown out the gushing coming from neighbor Seth "Purple Nurple" Elrod's cube.
"I can't believe Travis crushed a cow." "I can't believe Travis smashed a pig." "I can't believe Travis crushed the will out of Denny Whiteside." "I wonder if Travis helped Dan's wife crush his rib?"
ENOUGH.
It was time to act. And, coincidentally, there was a large meeting in the showroom yesterday. So Mathis marched down to the showroom, walked into the room, and offered to clear the table. (of soda cans, that is)... She took the cans, one by one, drove them to her head, and smashed them into tiny little bite-sized pieces simply with her forehead.
It was definitely a fireworks display the likes of which haven't been seen in this new building. Most importantly though, the playing field was leveled. Both of our title warriors are capable of crushing things, and both aren't afraid to show it.
Mathis left the showroom and marched down to Gessley's office, carrying her boombox on the shoulder - this time getting the thing going with a little "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins. (yes, this made Derek "Zoolander" Speicher do a little dancing in his cube as she marched past.)
She flung Gessley's door open and yelled "It is ON."
Gessley stood to greet her, extending his hand to wish her luck. Mathis took his hand, squeezed, and flung Travis over her left shoulder (for Good Luck, of course.) Gessley crashed into the wall, falling behind 2-0.
Gessley stood up in a hurry, refusing to dust himself off. He jumped up to the top of his desk, flexed, and leaped, knee first into Mathis, evening the match at 2-2. They exchanged false compliments (you know the kind, and man can they hurt you.) "You're tougher than I thought," said Gessley sarcastically of course. "I like your shirt," said Mathis, obviously envisioning how well it would look after being smashed in battle....
They escaped to the open area near graphics with the score netted at 4-4.
Mathis set her stereo down, as Loggins delivered a little "Thunder Zone," and she delivered a thunderous display of her own, picking up Gessley and giving him what is known by Tomaszewski as the Polish Airplane. (let's just say the plane isn't airborne long)... Gessley hit the turf, then saw the Mathis drop coming - Mathis incidentally has a greater drop than any Worth or Rawlings bat, although upon contact Gessley REALLY felt the sting. He fell behind 11-5.
Gessley peered to the side and saw his opportunity. He picked himself up slowly, dropped down slowly, and back up - doing a few push ups to get his blood flowing.... and then, ready as he was, he rose. Gessley rearranged all the tables to create some space. He then leaped atop one of them and began to jump up and down in an odd and scary routine. (a bit odd since the boombox was still on and blaring a bit of Quit Playing Games (with my heart)). But BSB aside, Gessley was getting himself ready. And in a move learned no doubt by Tim "Weekend Warrior" Lord, he was climbing to high ground to observe the battle scene. He saw his opening and leaped down and began to pull Mathis' hair. Hit her where it will hurt the most....
The score was tied at 13-13, when a surprise delivery arrived downstairs. Elaine "Iron Fist" Bell arrived in the hallway, with a couple of expense checks to sign. But when Gessley and Mathis looked at the total they would be receiving, they saw no dollar signs. All they saw was a scanned photo of Elaine's Iron Fist. They didn't even have time to sign. It was delivered. And with two thumps to their respective heads, Elaine took off down the hall, no doubt pleased that she had sent her message clearly.
But this match was FAR from over. (It was only 9 am) Stay tuned for the conclusion...
"I can't believe Travis crushed a cow." "I can't believe Travis smashed a pig." "I can't believe Travis crushed the will out of Denny Whiteside." "I wonder if Travis helped Dan's wife crush his rib?"
ENOUGH.
It was time to act. And, coincidentally, there was a large meeting in the showroom yesterday. So Mathis marched down to the showroom, walked into the room, and offered to clear the table. (of soda cans, that is)... She took the cans, one by one, drove them to her head, and smashed them into tiny little bite-sized pieces simply with her forehead.
It was definitely a fireworks display the likes of which haven't been seen in this new building. Most importantly though, the playing field was leveled. Both of our title warriors are capable of crushing things, and both aren't afraid to show it.
Mathis left the showroom and marched down to Gessley's office, carrying her boombox on the shoulder - this time getting the thing going with a little "Footloose" by Kenny Loggins. (yes, this made Derek "Zoolander" Speicher do a little dancing in his cube as she marched past.)
She flung Gessley's door open and yelled "It is ON."
Gessley stood to greet her, extending his hand to wish her luck. Mathis took his hand, squeezed, and flung Travis over her left shoulder (for Good Luck, of course.) Gessley crashed into the wall, falling behind 2-0.
Gessley stood up in a hurry, refusing to dust himself off. He jumped up to the top of his desk, flexed, and leaped, knee first into Mathis, evening the match at 2-2. They exchanged false compliments (you know the kind, and man can they hurt you.) "You're tougher than I thought," said Gessley sarcastically of course. "I like your shirt," said Mathis, obviously envisioning how well it would look after being smashed in battle....
They escaped to the open area near graphics with the score netted at 4-4.
Mathis set her stereo down, as Loggins delivered a little "Thunder Zone," and she delivered a thunderous display of her own, picking up Gessley and giving him what is known by Tomaszewski as the Polish Airplane. (let's just say the plane isn't airborne long)... Gessley hit the turf, then saw the Mathis drop coming - Mathis incidentally has a greater drop than any Worth or Rawlings bat, although upon contact Gessley REALLY felt the sting. He fell behind 11-5.
Gessley peered to the side and saw his opportunity. He picked himself up slowly, dropped down slowly, and back up - doing a few push ups to get his blood flowing.... and then, ready as he was, he rose. Gessley rearranged all the tables to create some space. He then leaped atop one of them and began to jump up and down in an odd and scary routine. (a bit odd since the boombox was still on and blaring a bit of Quit Playing Games (with my heart)). But BSB aside, Gessley was getting himself ready. And in a move learned no doubt by Tim "Weekend Warrior" Lord, he was climbing to high ground to observe the battle scene. He saw his opening and leaped down and began to pull Mathis' hair. Hit her where it will hurt the most....
The score was tied at 13-13, when a surprise delivery arrived downstairs. Elaine "Iron Fist" Bell arrived in the hallway, with a couple of expense checks to sign. But when Gessley and Mathis looked at the total they would be receiving, they saw no dollar signs. All they saw was a scanned photo of Elaine's Iron Fist. They didn't even have time to sign. It was delivered. And with two thumps to their respective heads, Elaine took off down the hall, no doubt pleased that she had sent her message clearly.
But this match was FAR from over. (It was only 9 am) Stay tuned for the conclusion...
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Just Who Looks Better in Leather?
These two warriors, Travis "British Bulldog/Monster Truck/Lady Liberty" Gessley and Denny "Big Sexy" or as he's known in the R&D circuit, "Doctor gLOVE" Whiteside build their world around leather. Whiteside just added a new Leather cover to his Harley seat. Gessley refuses to moisturize his hands in the hope that they, one day, will become leather.
But this battle is more than a battle over leather. It is a battle that began to burn in Carlsbad.... yes, it is time for a quick history commentary by the most memorable run-ins each combatant has with the main office. Whiteside was honored with his name, hand prints, and foot prints permanently engraved in the Walk of Fame. Gessley sent up the new Worth batting helmet with the hope that he, too, would get his space in the Fame Walk.... but the helmet did not make it. Travis was angry. And that brings us to today.
Whiteside had learned quite a bit from his sparring matches/dismantlings of Biju Matthew, Curtis Cruz, Brian Hoying, and Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann. You see, while he had romped to victories, it had taken a toll on his body. Denny began to notice bone bruises developing near the base of his thumb... and there is no way he was going to get through Gessley without the ability to use his thuds to the head. So Doctor gLOVE developed a special Rawlings UFC fighting glove. This glove is a bit different, as it allowed him to shift his fingers over, reducing the impact area into the glove and setting himself up for years of additional warmongering.
And with this in tact, Travis did not stand a chance early-on. Denny delivered a stunning thud to the forehead. While Gessley stud in a daze, Whiteside outfitted him in a helmet, retreated a few steps and began to fire balls at Gessley's head with an air cannon -- allowing him to multi-task as we like to do at Rawlings... a little sparring mixed with a little R&D. Gessley would get to his R&D later. (for the interns out there reading, that is what they call foreshadowing.)
Back to the battle. 6-0 Whiteside early. Whispers of "Over-Rated" echoed from the offices of every Rawlings Product Manager taken out by Gessley (yes, that is all of them, with the exception of Scott Keene who was beaten silly by Cullinane.) Gessley quickly retreated to high ground -- aka his truck.
Whiteside followed, but had some difficulty withstanding the objects Gessley hurled from his 8' vantage point. The gap narrowed a bit to 6-2, but Whiteside responded by grabbing a ladder and beginning the climb to the top. He reached the top and grabbed Gessley by the arm, which he twisted - ever so gently but ever so painfully, extending his lead to 10-4.
But Denny has fallen down stairs before, and Gessley has fought dirty before. Those two add up to... a ladder on the ground and a hobbled Whiteside on top of it, with Gessley hanging from the truck door doing one-armed pull ups and watching the score even up at 11-11.
Whiteside was now in for a battle, and as the two traded air whiffing jabs, it was clear that he might be running on empty. You see, for those who don't know Denny, he has patented the 10-hour workday. But since the new Tech Center opened and he got his new space there, he is now making sure he puts in two 10-hour workdays each day. And as he sat, locked in a 13-13 battle, he needed some space for a break.
He went for it, delivering a smokescreen getaway move, escaping the battle scene to recouperate.
Gessley felt more alone than he had any time at Rawlings, (outside that one day at Dixie Sports, that is)... He needed a spark. So he popped open his protein shake, Salmon-Carrot flavored and began his battle cry. He stormed into the offices, found Whiteside stunned in his own cube, grabbed some art requests from former title hopeful Jeff "White Walls" France's office, threw them in the air, and followed them airborne -- grabbing hold of the wall and delivering a series of Thunder Tap kicks to the midsection of Denny, hitting him like some painful acid rain.
Whiteside fell to the turf, where Gessley calmly inserted him into his new all purpose equipment bag, the Body Bag, and took it outside for some testing. The bag held up well, Whiteside.... not so well.
Gessley wins 21-15. He advances to Thursday's Title Game:
Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley versus Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis...
But this battle is more than a battle over leather. It is a battle that began to burn in Carlsbad.... yes, it is time for a quick history commentary by the most memorable run-ins each combatant has with the main office. Whiteside was honored with his name, hand prints, and foot prints permanently engraved in the Walk of Fame. Gessley sent up the new Worth batting helmet with the hope that he, too, would get his space in the Fame Walk.... but the helmet did not make it. Travis was angry. And that brings us to today.
Whiteside had learned quite a bit from his sparring matches/dismantlings of Biju Matthew, Curtis Cruz, Brian Hoying, and Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann. You see, while he had romped to victories, it had taken a toll on his body. Denny began to notice bone bruises developing near the base of his thumb... and there is no way he was going to get through Gessley without the ability to use his thuds to the head. So Doctor gLOVE developed a special Rawlings UFC fighting glove. This glove is a bit different, as it allowed him to shift his fingers over, reducing the impact area into the glove and setting himself up for years of additional warmongering.
And with this in tact, Travis did not stand a chance early-on. Denny delivered a stunning thud to the forehead. While Gessley stud in a daze, Whiteside outfitted him in a helmet, retreated a few steps and began to fire balls at Gessley's head with an air cannon -- allowing him to multi-task as we like to do at Rawlings... a little sparring mixed with a little R&D. Gessley would get to his R&D later. (for the interns out there reading, that is what they call foreshadowing.)
Back to the battle. 6-0 Whiteside early. Whispers of "Over-Rated" echoed from the offices of every Rawlings Product Manager taken out by Gessley (yes, that is all of them, with the exception of Scott Keene who was beaten silly by Cullinane.) Gessley quickly retreated to high ground -- aka his truck.
Whiteside followed, but had some difficulty withstanding the objects Gessley hurled from his 8' vantage point. The gap narrowed a bit to 6-2, but Whiteside responded by grabbing a ladder and beginning the climb to the top. He reached the top and grabbed Gessley by the arm, which he twisted - ever so gently but ever so painfully, extending his lead to 10-4.
But Denny has fallen down stairs before, and Gessley has fought dirty before. Those two add up to... a ladder on the ground and a hobbled Whiteside on top of it, with Gessley hanging from the truck door doing one-armed pull ups and watching the score even up at 11-11.
Whiteside was now in for a battle, and as the two traded air whiffing jabs, it was clear that he might be running on empty. You see, for those who don't know Denny, he has patented the 10-hour workday. But since the new Tech Center opened and he got his new space there, he is now making sure he puts in two 10-hour workdays each day. And as he sat, locked in a 13-13 battle, he needed some space for a break.
He went for it, delivering a smokescreen getaway move, escaping the battle scene to recouperate.
Gessley felt more alone than he had any time at Rawlings, (outside that one day at Dixie Sports, that is)... He needed a spark. So he popped open his protein shake, Salmon-Carrot flavored and began his battle cry. He stormed into the offices, found Whiteside stunned in his own cube, grabbed some art requests from former title hopeful Jeff "White Walls" France's office, threw them in the air, and followed them airborne -- grabbing hold of the wall and delivering a series of Thunder Tap kicks to the midsection of Denny, hitting him like some painful acid rain.
Whiteside fell to the turf, where Gessley calmly inserted him into his new all purpose equipment bag, the Body Bag, and took it outside for some testing. The bag held up well, Whiteside.... not so well.
Gessley wins 21-15. He advances to Thursday's Title Game:
Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley versus Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis...
Monday, October 02, 2006
Blinded by the Light?
Just how would Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis withstand the Blinding White Light known to the rest of us as Jeff "White Walls" France?
Everyone knows that France is not a morning person. As Jeff pulled into the Rawlings Group parking lot, he had no idea what was about to happen. He wheeled into his trusty parking space, got out of his car, and turned to walk into the building. He didn't even think to look up in the trees along the edge of the lot. There, seated in some branches high amongst the trees, Mathis sat waiting -- just like she and Tomaszewski had drawn it up during one of their smoke-break training sessions. She allowed Jeff's flowing locks to turn away from her and then pounced, delivering a flying elbow drop into the small of France's back and sending him into a Francic stuppor. As he tried to get his bearings, Mathis grabbed him by his golden locks and pulled him into the building, where she high-fived the Verizon security guards as she staked to an early 4-0 lead.
But once inside the building, France got to work. He bent over, polished up his kicks, and in three blinding flashes of pure white light delivered three of the swiftest windmill kicks one could ever imagine - narrowing the gap to 4-3. This explosion, in fact was a shout back to the olden days, to a form of communication much like those used by lighthouses at sea - flashes of light that send messages to ships. The message here was clear: PAIN was on the way.
And Mathis received that message.
The Schizo-Frantic France began to spin as he delivered lightning bolt after lightning bolt of pure joy, inflicting his will as he staked to a 6-5 advantage....
Unfortunately though, the noise was just too much for his neighbor (and tomorrow's fighter) Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside to take. Whiteside wheeled back in his office chair, leaped into the air and extended his legs mid-air into a perfect split kick - knocking out both combatants and making his presence felt. He earned his two quick points and left the scene.
Both combatants separated and prepared for their big move. This was the time of the fight where it would turn one way or the other. Mathis dug into her purse for the ultimate weapon. Meanwhile, France tightened his shoelaces. It was time.
Jeff pulled his leg back and began to swing. But, just as his powerful K-Swiss plunged forward, Mathis pulled out her makeup compac, or as we know it in the UFC, the "France Slayer." She skillfully adjusted the mirror and suddenly France caught his own eyes with a shoeful of white lightning. The light of his own shoes was scorching hot. He plunged backwards in a mix of confusion and pain as he rubbed his eyes and fell to the graphics turf. Mathis then jumped into the air, leaped onto a table, flipped, and delivered a crushing blow known in the UFC world as "Total Elimination," which was a combination of a spinning leg sweep to the back of his legs followed by a quick spinning heel-kick, France could not react quick enough, and he staggered into a 16-5 deficit.
Suddenly, however, France reached for his computer and cranked up his iTunes with a bit of rock and roll. The harsh sounds of music involving guitars and drums took Mathis aback. What was that music? She lost her balance and stumbled, just in time to be greeted by a series of hair whips... the gap narrowed to 16-10. And then France got the feet going....
But his late run would not be enough. Mathis emerges as the victor, 16-14-2 over France (and Whiteside). She will fight the winner of our next matchup in the Rawlings UFC title game this Thursday! Here's the next Final 4 matchup:
Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside versus Travis "Monster Truck" Gessley.
Everyone knows that France is not a morning person. As Jeff pulled into the Rawlings Group parking lot, he had no idea what was about to happen. He wheeled into his trusty parking space, got out of his car, and turned to walk into the building. He didn't even think to look up in the trees along the edge of the lot. There, seated in some branches high amongst the trees, Mathis sat waiting -- just like she and Tomaszewski had drawn it up during one of their smoke-break training sessions. She allowed Jeff's flowing locks to turn away from her and then pounced, delivering a flying elbow drop into the small of France's back and sending him into a Francic stuppor. As he tried to get his bearings, Mathis grabbed him by his golden locks and pulled him into the building, where she high-fived the Verizon security guards as she staked to an early 4-0 lead.
But once inside the building, France got to work. He bent over, polished up his kicks, and in three blinding flashes of pure white light delivered three of the swiftest windmill kicks one could ever imagine - narrowing the gap to 4-3. This explosion, in fact was a shout back to the olden days, to a form of communication much like those used by lighthouses at sea - flashes of light that send messages to ships. The message here was clear: PAIN was on the way.
And Mathis received that message.
The Schizo-Frantic France began to spin as he delivered lightning bolt after lightning bolt of pure joy, inflicting his will as he staked to a 6-5 advantage....
Unfortunately though, the noise was just too much for his neighbor (and tomorrow's fighter) Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside to take. Whiteside wheeled back in his office chair, leaped into the air and extended his legs mid-air into a perfect split kick - knocking out both combatants and making his presence felt. He earned his two quick points and left the scene.
Both combatants separated and prepared for their big move. This was the time of the fight where it would turn one way or the other. Mathis dug into her purse for the ultimate weapon. Meanwhile, France tightened his shoelaces. It was time.
Jeff pulled his leg back and began to swing. But, just as his powerful K-Swiss plunged forward, Mathis pulled out her makeup compac, or as we know it in the UFC, the "France Slayer." She skillfully adjusted the mirror and suddenly France caught his own eyes with a shoeful of white lightning. The light of his own shoes was scorching hot. He plunged backwards in a mix of confusion and pain as he rubbed his eyes and fell to the graphics turf. Mathis then jumped into the air, leaped onto a table, flipped, and delivered a crushing blow known in the UFC world as "Total Elimination," which was a combination of a spinning leg sweep to the back of his legs followed by a quick spinning heel-kick, France could not react quick enough, and he staggered into a 16-5 deficit.
Suddenly, however, France reached for his computer and cranked up his iTunes with a bit of rock and roll. The harsh sounds of music involving guitars and drums took Mathis aback. What was that music? She lost her balance and stumbled, just in time to be greeted by a series of hair whips... the gap narrowed to 16-10. And then France got the feet going....
But his late run would not be enough. Mathis emerges as the victor, 16-14-2 over France (and Whiteside). She will fight the winner of our next matchup in the Rawlings UFC title game this Thursday! Here's the next Final 4 matchup:
Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside versus Travis "Monster Truck" Gessley.
