How do you Spell PAIN?

The vote was rocked...

The day started calmly for the Number Puncher. He pulled up to the Rawlings Group early in his trusty 95 ALUM. He stalked the steps to the front door and waited for Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski to arrive. Upon entering the building, Bob approached the door to punch in his code. It didn't work. The light flashed red. He heard a cackle and then could merely watch in awe as Howell lept through the air and made him fall victim to the much calculated and well-timed leg slice maneuver. Howell stood above him and taunted his way to an early 1-0 lead.

The battleground retreated to the building lobby. Tomahawk attempted to yell, but could not stop Howell from grabbing numbers and letters from the Welcome to Rawlings sign and throwing them in a powerful yet limp-wristed manner right at the taller combatant. Howell powered his way to a 4-1 advantage.

That's when the Tomahawk went to work.

Serving up moves learned on the hard streets of the South Side, Capone moved in quick and delivered a repetitious forward and backward smack action at a rapid speed to the chin of the Number Puncher -- knotting up the score at 5-5. It would have been a tougher edge, but come on, how predictable is this?

Both UFC combatants felt wounded and knew they needed to shift to the battle-style last used by the Ancients... Scrabble.

This was not a fair battle field for Howell. Now he might have thought so initially, but two thoughts:

1. Does Howell care if the battleground is fair?
2. Does Howell know that Tomaszewski is fluent in many languages and has made up several others?

So they squared off in the graphics department at one of the tables. Howell focused his word choices around his accounting background - words such as cut, slice, accrual, and then mixing in his passions: Booches and LJS. All cool words, and enough to keep the score close at 15-10.

Tomaszweski responded to this relatively tight 15-10 game by going on a word rampage. He brought in words that I, honestly, cannot repeat because i both couldn't understand them and they took up a ton of letters. Being the perfect mix of Polish, Spanish, Chicagoan, and English, they were impossible to challenge. And they allowed Bob to rumble to an unbelievable 35-13 lead. WOW.

Howell was furious. He tried calling for interns. But they were gone. And, like any good Mizzou product, it is tough to envision them mounting a comeback. Victory for the Tomahawk: 38-15, as the voting total broke 50 but fell short of the record 59 votes set previously in the Tomaszewski/Dickmann rumble in the jungle.

Tomaszewski advances to the Elite 8 where he will square off against Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis, next Thursday (9/21).

Up next:

Top seed in the Looking Pretty Regional, Jason "Spanish Blood" McCartney goes to work against #4 Jason "Lerrrrroooyyyyy Jenkins" Voorhees. This one's going to the streets