Denny's Hips Don't Lie

The UFC has yet to see a matchup with such different battle tactics.

And with the exception of Friday's upcoming Jeff France vs Jeff France matchup, we won't see two opponents square off this season who are so similar, yet so different.

Brian "Gentle Giant" Hoying prefers Crosby Stills Nash & Young, workouts after work, spoons full of peanut butter, and jumping over things.

Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside likes wild music, grooving, a big steak dinner, and running over things with his Harley.

Hoying was the first to reach the R&D dojo this morning. After a bit of stretching, he was ready. Whiteside entered the building just in time for Hoying began his approach, plant, and arch himself into the air, clearing Denny's head, then smacking him in the back with a series of scissor kicks on his descent that lifted him to an early 2-0 advantage and knocked Whiteside to the ground.

But Whiteside sprung to his feet in one hurried motion -- in a Jackie Chan like recovery. And there is no way Hoying could have seen this coming. You see, not only did Whiteside leap to his feet in one motion, but he also lifted Hoying over his shoulders into a Fireman's carry in that same motion. Whiteside then fell, in the direction Hoying was facing in a move known in the Ultimate Wrestling Circuit as the Death Valley Driver. With the fall, the score was evened up at 2-2.

And that's when the fun started. Whiteside cranked up the music in the dojo. He took off his leather jacket and began to shimmy. With each circular sway of his hips, Hoying got a bit weaker in the knees. And Denny boomed to a 5-2 lead. Brian was able to momentarily get his balance and utilize his substantial reach advantage to both stop the shimmying and deliver a couple of body blows - cutting the gap to 5-4.

But then Denny plugged himself in - sending streams of blinding light out from underneath his shirt. Any guy (or girl) who has ever momentarily lost focus by staring at a person in front of them shaking their hips while streams of light gush all around them knows it is easy to daydream. And the second you start looking at the hips is the second you don't see the painful smacks to the head that pelted down on Hoyings head like angry raindrops. This matchup was over.

Whiteside wins 11-4, and advances to the Elite 8, where he will tangle with his second (2) seed in two battles - Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann next Tuesday -- with the winner representing the Live Action region in the Final 4. This matchup is already being dubbed as "The Battle of the (Mini) Bulge."

Up Next is our first Elite 8 matchup: the Title Game of the Stare at Numbers Regional:

Wendy "the Nasty Newlywed" Mathis versus Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski.

Vote early and tell a friend.

Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com

Good Luck.


Here are our 4 Regional Title Games:

Stare at Numbers: Wendy Mathis vs Bob Tomaszwewski
Looking Pretty: Jeff France vs Jeff France
Product Kings: Travis Gessley vs Ron Kappauff
Live Action: Denny Whiteside vs Bruce Dickmann