Pages

    Monday, September 11, 2006

    Could a man in a leather spandex bodysuit ruin a honeymoon?

    Today's match is proof that every vote matters.

    Dave "Italian Stallion" Bommarito spent the past week working hard. Sporting his reflective bodysuit (which he had spraycoated with Liquidmetal for a bit extra weight) to work to get into match weight the past week had him prepared. But he was about to learn that the Nasty Newlywed was a bit tougher than Ryan Brady or Chance Hollingsworth. Mathis has been spent the past week getting amped herself - gradually shifting the dial of her radio from Air Supply to a little bit of Chicago, mixed with the occassional REO Speedwagon. Yes, it is Sweet 16 time folks...

    The matchup began with a buzz. Bommarito finished his project, drilling a body-sized hole which allowed him to calmly repel from the second floor just above Mathis' cube. He hung, in mid-air, just inches above Mathis' cube decked in a Rawlings Red wrestling singlet with a Worth Ear protector for added protection. But there was no way he could have been prepared for Mathis to, in a single movement, slide her chair backwards, grab a pair of pruning sheers from Tomaszewski's desk, and slice through the repel wires - dropping the Bommer to a painful 1-0 deficit.

    Bommarito, however ,was able to bounce back quickly- due largely to the resilient properties of spandex. He rolled quickly to his side and grabbed Mathis by the legs, and lifted -- driving her to the feaux turf near Seth's cube. The match stood even at 3-3.

    That's when Mathis went Wild. She grabbed the straps to Bommarito's wrestling singlet and began to stretch them outward, flinging them into his back in a series of agonizing shrieks that would have aroused attention were it not for the fact that Bommarito has pledged a vow of silence. But trust me, the pain was evident. Reports near the scene actually clarified that she timed the snaps to hit Bommarito's chest in perfect melody with the beat of "As Long as You Love Me" by The BackStreet Boys, although those reporters might have mistaken those sounds with the humming in Seth's cube. In any case, Mathis stormed to a 11-5 lead.

    Then, the Italian Stallion showed up. He climbed to the top of Jim O'Connor's cube wall and began to roar. He leaped into the air, flipped, and drop kicked Wendy to the turf. As Mathis laid in a daze, clinging to a 12-8 lead, Bommarito got the crowd going. He propped up Mathis in her rolling chair and began to roll it back and forth. As the beat continued, he revved up and launched the chair towards the neighboring cube bank. He then took off in a dead sprint, running, and timed it perfectly. Mathis' chair hit the cube wall, sending Mathis right into Bommarito, knocking both to the ground in a heap and a tie: 13-13. The match was over.

    But who won?

    Fortunately, a tiebreak procedure was in order. Mathis wins 13-13, by means of the tiebreaker -- a 6 minute margin of victory in the tightest UFC Rawlings battle in history.

    She will advance to the Elite 8 to meet the winner of the next matchup:

    #6 Matt "Number Puncher" Howell versus #10 Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski.

    Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com

    0 comments: