The matchups just couldn't be any better. We have two matchups that are kind of like Father-Son or Father-Daughter. They are two matchups where an older, wiser veteran has taken a younger, up and coming star under his wings and watched his child grow up... and now his child wants to take him OUT. Really, these matchups are a lot like Rocky V, except for the fact that we hope they are much shorter and much more interesting.
First, we have Monday's Matchup,
Jeff "White Lightning" France versus Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis
France pranced through the Looking Pretty Regional, beating everyone (including himself) with a varied assortment of hair flips and leg kicks. Mathis meanwhile is our champion of the Stare at Numbers Regional where she delivered swirlees, wedgies, and elevator music thumping routines to defeat every man in her way. In fact, rumors abide that Brian Scheele now is wearing a foot cast with tooth marks on it. Wow.
To understand this matchup, we need to take a UFC trip back in time.....
Mathis was a single, engaged woman, planning her wedding. Jeff France sat in his office, perched on his chair doing that spinning thing he likes to do while he sips his morning coffee in utter darkness each morning... Mathis needed advice. Her dress needed to be the purest of white. France is the expert in whites, as witnessed by his (formerly) blinding white K Swisses.
(As a side note, to see France's shoes of choice, go to www.mykswiss.com, click on Customize a shoe, pick all white for everything you can, and type in France as your name) That's sweet.
Anyway, France counseled Ms. Mathis on the varied shades of white, care for white items, and how to properly carry yourself in whites as you walk down a runway... all that love and now she wants to take him OUT. Mathis actually knocked out her smoke-break partner Bob Tomaszewski in the Elite 8. She can be tough. Here's how I break down the matchup:
France Mathis
Preparation X
Heart X
Hustle X
Tenacity XX
Wiliness X
Strength X
Reach X
This battle is next Monday, 10/1.
On Tuesday, we will see Travis "Monster Truck" Gessley versus Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside.
Gessley steamrolled his way through the Product Kings region, taking out every Rawlings brand product manager he could find. Meanwhile, Big Sexy is the king of the Live Action region, outfoxing every engineer who remains in our office full time. (no word yet about the Tech center engineers)
I am feeling another UFC time travel moment....
Whiteside was a young(er) marketing manager, inventing the glove here at Rawlings. He was fiddling with leather swatches and placing the Vice into the glove line here when Travis was still in High School using the vise in shop class (and we know Travis was in Shop class, not Home Ec.). When Travis became the fielding gloves product manager for Worth, Whiteside took him under his wing. He sat him down and filled Travis' mind with more stories about leather than I can (or feel comfortable putting in) print. And Travis listened. He created an all white Worth glove, in tribute to his mentor, and now is ready to run over Denny's new Harley with his monster truck.
This battle is on Tuesday 10/2...
Here's how i break it down:
Whiteside Gessley
Preparation X
Heart X
Hustle X
Tenacity X
Wiliness X
Strength XX
Reach X
For those who haven't voted, or didn't know about this... All you do is email your winner to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com on Monday and again on Tuesday.
The winners will clash on Thursday of next week for the BIG TITLE of RAWLINGS UFC champion!
Good Luck to all.
Thursday, September 28, 2006
And Then There Were 4....
By Guest Writer Seth Elrod
Now gather around children, have a seat, and let me tell you a story. It’s a story about two men; they were great warriors who fought for their lives in a historic battle called the Rawlings UFC. One of the brave men, Denny “Big Sexy” Whiteside, came into the battle undefeated and the other, Bruce “Bruce” Dickmann, made an amazing comeback after losing a heart-breaker in an earlier round. Now, get comfortable and let me tell you the tale…….Timmy, quit picking on Jeffrey!!
It was a bright, sunny, pleasant morning many, many day ago. (That’s right, I said day…not days. Thanks to those who caught the subtleness.) The two warriors came to work ready to rumble, and the innocent spectators were excited to see a good ol’ fashion beat down.
“Big Nasty Huge freakin’ Sexy” Whiteside made the first move. He yelled to Bruce, “Hey, whats that?” and pointed to the left. Bruce foolishly looked that way so Denny pulled back his right fist with such force and then quickly started to move it back towards Bruce. The crowd covered their eyes knowing what was coming, but to everyone’s surprise Denny didn’t hit him. He just gave him the wettest willy anyone had ever seen. It actually made Bruce’s eyes water and those weren’t tears that was extra spit from Sexy’s finger. Denny’s up 3-0 early.
Out of nowhere yesterday’s champ entered the battle and tipped both Bruce and Sexy in the bikini region. Shady move, but man is that funny. Travis gains a point, but quickly retreats to the little boy’s room. No one followed to get a follow up report, but we’ll keep you posted if we hear something.
Bruce and Whiteside (has anyone ever seen what color his other side is??) went at it for what seemed like forever (like a day spent counting inventory in Washington). There was yelling, screaming, crying, laughing (with one of them screeching, “that’s my tickley spot” and the other one saying “I’m not even touching you.” There was spitting, scratching, hair-pulling, belly rubbing, synchronized dance routines, punching, panting, silence…………………Was someone defeated? No, Denny had just shoved his socks into Bruce’s mouth. (icky, I know) Denny was up 9-6-1 over Bruce and T-Rav respectively.
Carol Mark suddenly ran into the ring and grabbed the socks out of Bruce’s mouth and shoved them into her own. When asked about it Carol was quoted as saying, “MMMmmm, mmmmm. Ummumm, hhmmm, mmmmm, mm, umm.” That’s some serious trash talk which earned her a point. Thank you Carol for that…..
There was a royal rumble for about a minute longer. (Both had decided that they needed to get back to work and wanted to get this out of the way.) The match ended with Big Sexy turning into Big Sweaty after he dropped a sweaty ‘bow on Bruce. Denny won the fight 12-9-1-1 over Bruce “Bruce”, Carol “that’ll leave a” Mark, and Travis “Puppy Chow” Gessley.
The final 4 is set. The four fighting fighters framed to fight another final filthy fight are:
- Wendy “the Nasty Newlywed” aka “Newlywed Knock-out” aka “I’m the best looking fighter left in the UFC….by far” Mathis
- Denny “Big Sexy” aka “Big Sweaty” aka “Glove Love” aka “the Bearded Wonder” Whiteside
- Jeff "Psycho Frantic" aka “White walls” aka “K-Swiss Killa” aka “Pearl” aka “Freedom Fries” France
- Travis “British Bulldog” aka “Lady Liberty” aka “Big Truck Driver” aka “Worth’s last chance” Gessley
There are no fights today because of the inventory layoff, so rest up and enjoy your time off. Its been long season, but its just now starting to heat up……
Now gather around children, have a seat, and let me tell you a story. It’s a story about two men; they were great warriors who fought for their lives in a historic battle called the Rawlings UFC. One of the brave men, Denny “Big Sexy” Whiteside, came into the battle undefeated and the other, Bruce “Bruce” Dickmann, made an amazing comeback after losing a heart-breaker in an earlier round. Now, get comfortable and let me tell you the tale…….Timmy, quit picking on Jeffrey!!
It was a bright, sunny, pleasant morning many, many day ago. (That’s right, I said day…not days. Thanks to those who caught the subtleness.) The two warriors came to work ready to rumble, and the innocent spectators were excited to see a good ol’ fashion beat down.
“Big Nasty Huge freakin’ Sexy” Whiteside made the first move. He yelled to Bruce, “Hey, whats that?” and pointed to the left. Bruce foolishly looked that way so Denny pulled back his right fist with such force and then quickly started to move it back towards Bruce. The crowd covered their eyes knowing what was coming, but to everyone’s surprise Denny didn’t hit him. He just gave him the wettest willy anyone had ever seen. It actually made Bruce’s eyes water and those weren’t tears that was extra spit from Sexy’s finger. Denny’s up 3-0 early.
Out of nowhere yesterday’s champ entered the battle and tipped both Bruce and Sexy in the bikini region. Shady move, but man is that funny. Travis gains a point, but quickly retreats to the little boy’s room. No one followed to get a follow up report, but we’ll keep you posted if we hear something.
Bruce and Whiteside (has anyone ever seen what color his other side is??) went at it for what seemed like forever (like a day spent counting inventory in Washington). There was yelling, screaming, crying, laughing (with one of them screeching, “that’s my tickley spot” and the other one saying “I’m not even touching you.” There was spitting, scratching, hair-pulling, belly rubbing, synchronized dance routines, punching, panting, silence…………………Was someone defeated? No, Denny had just shoved his socks into Bruce’s mouth. (icky, I know) Denny was up 9-6-1 over Bruce and T-Rav respectively.
Carol Mark suddenly ran into the ring and grabbed the socks out of Bruce’s mouth and shoved them into her own. When asked about it Carol was quoted as saying, “MMMmmm, mmmmm. Ummumm, hhmmm, mmmmm, mm, umm.” That’s some serious trash talk which earned her a point. Thank you Carol for that…..
There was a royal rumble for about a minute longer. (Both had decided that they needed to get back to work and wanted to get this out of the way.) The match ended with Big Sexy turning into Big Sweaty after he dropped a sweaty ‘bow on Bruce. Denny won the fight 12-9-1-1 over Bruce “Bruce”, Carol “that’ll leave a” Mark, and Travis “Puppy Chow” Gessley.
The final 4 is set. The four fighting fighters framed to fight another final filthy fight are:
- Wendy “the Nasty Newlywed” aka “Newlywed Knock-out” aka “I’m the best looking fighter left in the UFC….by far” Mathis
- Denny “Big Sexy” aka “Big Sweaty” aka “Glove Love” aka “the Bearded Wonder” Whiteside
- Jeff "Psycho Frantic" aka “White walls” aka “K-Swiss Killa” aka “Pearl” aka “Freedom Fries” France
- Travis “British Bulldog” aka “Lady Liberty” aka “Big Truck Driver” aka “Worth’s last chance” Gessley
There are no fights today because of the inventory layoff, so rest up and enjoy your time off. Its been long season, but its just now starting to heat up……
Foot vs. Dog with an accent
By Guest Writer, Seth Elrod
Here comes another one………the UFC is winding down, but the fights get more mean with each passing day. The fighters can taste the championship fight and are willing to do anything to make it to the finals. There was proof of this in yesterday’s UFC battle between #1 Ranked Ron “Foot of Fury” Kappauff and #3 Ranked Travis “British Bulldog” Gessley.
Again the fight started right on time and again both fighters brought their A game and again both came dressed…unlike that other time (you remember Dorsey, you were there). The difference in this fight was the series of predetermined games, best described as the “Office-Olympics” set up by the creator of the Rawlings UFC, Andy “Tower of Mediocrity" (as it turns out, losing to one of the Jeff Frances) Pawlowski.
The first game was called the office-chair-rodeo where each contestant would see how many times they could twirl around in an office chair in one minute. Travis was the first one up. He jumped in, strapped on the seatbelt made out of rubber bands from the mailroom (don’t tell JoAnn). He spun a miraculous 46 turns in one minute. Next was the Foot of Fury, Ol’ Ronny-boy. He strapped in and spun around 49 times because, well, he’s good at everything. Ron’s up 1-0 over Travis, but unfortunately he blew chunks all over giving Travis a point to tie it up at 1 each.
All of the sudden, new Worth Intern Greg “the poor-man's Dave Bommarito” Ladd entered the scene. He explained that he had gained many skills while at SEMO and one of them happened to be the next event, “Art-Request Origami.” Turns out Greg was right and made a killer paper swan. Travis and Ron both made paper planes that sucked. Score tied up across the board 1-1-1, but then Ron and Travis killed Greg and put him through the paper shredder. Looks like he’s not getting credit for this internship. (Rumor has it that a ghost of Greg can be seen every Monday through Wednesday in the Worth Area.)
It was at this point that Ron realized how much fun they were having killing an innocent third party and decided to use this to his advantage. Ron started, “Hey Travis, Knock, knock.” Travis said, “Who’s there?” Ron said “Ron, and I’m gonna make a football out of your skin!!” (Yes, lame but effective) Ron grabbed an exacto-knife from the graphics dept. and started to cut Travis…..Point Ron!! Travis seemed to be unaffected and slammed a basketball over Ron’s head like one of those Halloween b-balls with the eyes cut out. Ron and Travis are tied up at 2.
From there, they completely ignored the good clean games Andy had set-up and actually continued to fight. Andy pouted like a little baby and reportedly caught a plane to Sunny California to start a new life and a new UFC with his new friends. It was easy for him to make friends because he told them he was the newest player on the L.A. Sparks named “Mandy Pawlowski.” Meanwhile, Travis and Ron continued to wrestle around eventually coming to a score of 5-4-1, Travis had the lead.
This was all the lead Travis needed. He went crazy, jumping around like a monkey and yelling like a screech owl. He started yelling over and over again, “the monster-truck is going to getcha!” making a growling sound while he acted like he was steering a truck. Travis hit the ground and did the steamroll maneuver over Ron. At first it was the old-fashioned steam roll maneuver where Travis humanly rolled over Ron while Ron giggled, but then it got ugly. Travis had hijacked an actual steamroller on the way to work and Ran over the Foot of Fury, starting with the Foot…..and ending with Fury???
Travis flattened out Ron to an eleven foot smear of the person that was once Ron. One point was awarded for each foot of smear giving Travis the win with a score of 16-5-1 over Ron and the once alive intern. Travis is the winner of the Product Kings and has proved to not be a big sissy girl, despite the rumors around the office started by opposing glove manager Scott Keene, not to mention any names.
Before Travis got off the machine he rolled over a cow to get some new leather for next years gloves. He then ran over a deer for the palm pad. Then he ran over a pig for the really low priced consumer. He then ran over apples to make his own fruit-roll-ups for lunch. Go ahead and say it, “Delicious.”
Next up: #6 Denny “Big Freakin’ Sexy” Whiteside vs. (Reentered) Bruce “Bruce” Dickmann
Here comes another one………the UFC is winding down, but the fights get more mean with each passing day. The fighters can taste the championship fight and are willing to do anything to make it to the finals. There was proof of this in yesterday’s UFC battle between #1 Ranked Ron “Foot of Fury” Kappauff and #3 Ranked Travis “British Bulldog” Gessley.
Again the fight started right on time and again both fighters brought their A game and again both came dressed…unlike that other time (you remember Dorsey, you were there). The difference in this fight was the series of predetermined games, best described as the “Office-Olympics” set up by the creator of the Rawlings UFC, Andy “Tower of Mediocrity" (as it turns out, losing to one of the Jeff Frances) Pawlowski.
The first game was called the office-chair-rodeo where each contestant would see how many times they could twirl around in an office chair in one minute. Travis was the first one up. He jumped in, strapped on the seatbelt made out of rubber bands from the mailroom (don’t tell JoAnn). He spun a miraculous 46 turns in one minute. Next was the Foot of Fury, Ol’ Ronny-boy. He strapped in and spun around 49 times because, well, he’s good at everything. Ron’s up 1-0 over Travis, but unfortunately he blew chunks all over giving Travis a point to tie it up at 1 each.
All of the sudden, new Worth Intern Greg “the poor-man's Dave Bommarito” Ladd entered the scene. He explained that he had gained many skills while at SEMO and one of them happened to be the next event, “Art-Request Origami.” Turns out Greg was right and made a killer paper swan. Travis and Ron both made paper planes that sucked. Score tied up across the board 1-1-1, but then Ron and Travis killed Greg and put him through the paper shredder. Looks like he’s not getting credit for this internship. (Rumor has it that a ghost of Greg can be seen every Monday through Wednesday in the Worth Area.)
It was at this point that Ron realized how much fun they were having killing an innocent third party and decided to use this to his advantage. Ron started, “Hey Travis, Knock, knock.” Travis said, “Who’s there?” Ron said “Ron, and I’m gonna make a football out of your skin!!” (Yes, lame but effective) Ron grabbed an exacto-knife from the graphics dept. and started to cut Travis…..Point Ron!! Travis seemed to be unaffected and slammed a basketball over Ron’s head like one of those Halloween b-balls with the eyes cut out. Ron and Travis are tied up at 2.
From there, they completely ignored the good clean games Andy had set-up and actually continued to fight. Andy pouted like a little baby and reportedly caught a plane to Sunny California to start a new life and a new UFC with his new friends. It was easy for him to make friends because he told them he was the newest player on the L.A. Sparks named “Mandy Pawlowski.” Meanwhile, Travis and Ron continued to wrestle around eventually coming to a score of 5-4-1, Travis had the lead.
This was all the lead Travis needed. He went crazy, jumping around like a monkey and yelling like a screech owl. He started yelling over and over again, “the monster-truck is going to getcha!” making a growling sound while he acted like he was steering a truck. Travis hit the ground and did the steamroll maneuver over Ron. At first it was the old-fashioned steam roll maneuver where Travis humanly rolled over Ron while Ron giggled, but then it got ugly. Travis had hijacked an actual steamroller on the way to work and Ran over the Foot of Fury, starting with the Foot…..and ending with Fury???
Travis flattened out Ron to an eleven foot smear of the person that was once Ron. One point was awarded for each foot of smear giving Travis the win with a score of 16-5-1 over Ron and the once alive intern. Travis is the winner of the Product Kings and has proved to not be a big sissy girl, despite the rumors around the office started by opposing glove manager Scott Keene, not to mention any names.
Before Travis got off the machine he rolled over a cow to get some new leather for next years gloves. He then ran over a deer for the palm pad. Then he ran over a pig for the really low priced consumer. He then ran over apples to make his own fruit-roll-ups for lunch. Go ahead and say it, “Delicious.”
Next up: #6 Denny “Big Freakin’ Sexy” Whiteside vs. (Reentered) Bruce “Bruce” Dickmann
Friday, September 22, 2006
France versus France
Today was, without a doubt, the most heated, bloody confrontation ever seen in a Rawlings UFC matchup. It was an epic battle. One for the ages. And one that just had the power to drive a certain Jeff France CRAZY.
But today was not the first time these two men, Jeff "Man of the Blinding Light" France and Jeff "Pure Darkness" France had battled. The two have, in fact, been tangling on and off for the past few decades. Before we get into today's matchup, let's take the time to go back and review some of the most memorable France clashes.
June 1974. A young, svelt Jeff France stared into his bathroom mirror. Wondering what would happen if he'd let those golden locks of his extend just beyond the bottom of his painter's cap. It was in that moment that the France mullet was born. But it did not grow to that level instantly. There were battles. Moments where Jeff wanted to have the clean cut image instilled in him from his youth. France of the dark side was becoming more prominent, as he won this matchup and held his reign of terror for several years...
March 1988. Spring was coming, and Jeff could just feel it. He pranced outside in the meadow, actually catching himself skip as he hummed to himself. What was happening to him? He scurried inside and clad himself in pearly whites, from head to toe. He trimmed his hair, donned some shades, and went back to enjoy the sunshine. The world was good, and the man we call France was glimmering. It was a time of Free Love for France of the Light.
January 2005. France unveiled the brightest white shoes to hit the Rawlings Group yet.
June 2006. France of the Dark began to emerge, hastened out thanks to some difficulties in the apparel catalog. The man in black resurfaced, lighting was removed from his office, and those who passed closely by his office swear they hear howling when they come near late in the day.
September 22, 2006. The ultimate test:
France arrived early today. (score one point for the light), but donned head to toe in black (make that 1-1). He poured some coffee and cranked up some Icelandic music on his stereo and entered the state known to some as the France Trance. The darkness beckoned. 2-1 dark.
But then the sounds of gleeful playing nearby in his graphics playpen sent warm energy through France. He began to feel something slowly move up his face. What was that? A smile? why, Yes it was. The light began to take over the room. France stood up and began to slowly groove in his office. First his hips moved, then he started to shift in his Snow white K Swiss specials. Lightness abounded 5-2 France.
But then, the music stopped. Get to work he said. What are you doing? You need to finish this. Petco didn't like that. Where's my pizza? Why won't you hold me? the questions started coming in in every direction and the darkness began to take over our once light-hearted hero. 5-5. France did not see the assassin drop his hammer-like fists into his side three times before leaving as quietly as he arrived.
And then Andy "Tower of Power" Pawlowski stopped by. How is France supposed to get any work done with all of these interruptions? Pawlowski dropped off a stack of incomplete art requests and took off for what is best determined to be a vacation. Those art requests can really hurt...
Alone again, France began to beat himself up. Even more so. But this time it was his feet that did the talking. He glanced down and saw radiant light eminating from his shoes. And he couldn't contain himself. I AM JEFF FRANCE. He thought. No he yelled. And then he laughed. The light was winning.... at least for now.
France of the light wins 8-5-3-1 over the darkness and those other people.
France is the champion of the Looking Pretty Region. Up next for him is the Stare at Numbers champ, Wendy Mathis...
And, for those of you who want to see how far we've come, here's the updated bracket.
Up next Monday:
Championship of the Product Kings Region: Ron "Foot of Fury" Kappauff versus Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley
email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
But today was not the first time these two men, Jeff "Man of the Blinding Light" France and Jeff "Pure Darkness" France had battled. The two have, in fact, been tangling on and off for the past few decades. Before we get into today's matchup, let's take the time to go back and review some of the most memorable France clashes.
June 1974. A young, svelt Jeff France stared into his bathroom mirror. Wondering what would happen if he'd let those golden locks of his extend just beyond the bottom of his painter's cap. It was in that moment that the France mullet was born. But it did not grow to that level instantly. There were battles. Moments where Jeff wanted to have the clean cut image instilled in him from his youth. France of the dark side was becoming more prominent, as he won this matchup and held his reign of terror for several years...
March 1988. Spring was coming, and Jeff could just feel it. He pranced outside in the meadow, actually catching himself skip as he hummed to himself. What was happening to him? He scurried inside and clad himself in pearly whites, from head to toe. He trimmed his hair, donned some shades, and went back to enjoy the sunshine. The world was good, and the man we call France was glimmering. It was a time of Free Love for France of the Light.
January 2005. France unveiled the brightest white shoes to hit the Rawlings Group yet.
June 2006. France of the Dark began to emerge, hastened out thanks to some difficulties in the apparel catalog. The man in black resurfaced, lighting was removed from his office, and those who passed closely by his office swear they hear howling when they come near late in the day.
September 22, 2006. The ultimate test:
France arrived early today. (score one point for the light), but donned head to toe in black (make that 1-1). He poured some coffee and cranked up some Icelandic music on his stereo and entered the state known to some as the France Trance. The darkness beckoned. 2-1 dark.
But then the sounds of gleeful playing nearby in his graphics playpen sent warm energy through France. He began to feel something slowly move up his face. What was that? A smile? why, Yes it was. The light began to take over the room. France stood up and began to slowly groove in his office. First his hips moved, then he started to shift in his Snow white K Swiss specials. Lightness abounded 5-2 France.
But then, the music stopped. Get to work he said. What are you doing? You need to finish this. Petco didn't like that. Where's my pizza? Why won't you hold me? the questions started coming in in every direction and the darkness began to take over our once light-hearted hero. 5-5. France did not see the assassin drop his hammer-like fists into his side three times before leaving as quietly as he arrived.
And then Andy "Tower of Power" Pawlowski stopped by. How is France supposed to get any work done with all of these interruptions? Pawlowski dropped off a stack of incomplete art requests and took off for what is best determined to be a vacation. Those art requests can really hurt...
Alone again, France began to beat himself up. Even more so. But this time it was his feet that did the talking. He glanced down and saw radiant light eminating from his shoes. And he couldn't contain himself. I AM JEFF FRANCE. He thought. No he yelled. And then he laughed. The light was winning.... at least for now.
France of the light wins 8-5-3-1 over the darkness and those other people.
France is the champion of the Looking Pretty Region. Up next for him is the Stare at Numbers champ, Wendy Mathis...
And, for those of you who want to see how far we've come, here's the updated bracket.
Up next Monday:
Championship of the Product Kings Region: Ron "Foot of Fury" Kappauff versus Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley
email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Stare at Numbers Final turns into a battle of the Airwaves
Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski diligently inputted his forecasts into the system all day today... including a forecast for PAIN for his cube-neighbor Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis. And you have to admit, things looked bleak for Mathis. She was facing a man who had left a trail of accountant remains throughout the Rawlings Group - thrashing through Matt Howell and Lee Lummus, with a taste of Bruce Dickmann in between. Tomaszewski has earned his reputation on the icy streets of Chicago and has been known to raise crowds to near riot levels in support of his PAIN Campaigns. A potential slugfest between Capone and one of the Jeff Frances in the Final 4 would be a battle for the ages.
But let us not move so quickly over Mathis. Since her brief honeymoon, Wendy has defeated everything customer service could throw her way - putting Brian Scheele in a cast, Dan Bieg into hiding, and hanging Dave Bommarito from a ceiling fan (by his singlet).
And this matchup had everything you want in a slugfest.
Bob strolled into the office and prepared -- drilling a hole into the space between his cube and Wendy's so that he could attack when she least expected it. Mathis arrived at work, cranked up a little KEZK on her radio and began to hum her way into the morning. Bob watched and waited for his moment. Just as Wendy and the Commodores hit the power ballad Easy, Capone made his move - leaping over the top of the cube wall and whacking his head on Mathis' desk. He also knocked Wendy to the ground - sending both into a painful 2-2 tie early on.
Mathis had to respond. She stood up, digging her piercingly sharp heels into Tomaszewski's side on the way - 3-2 Mathis.
The Tomahawk fought back - as he grabbed Mathis' stomping foot and lifted it - knocking her off-balance and evening the score at 3. He returned to his cube.
The battle shifted to the radio. Tomaszewski has trouble calculating his forecasts as the decibels cranked. In fact it was a bit humorous to onlookers Elrod and O'Connor. Mathis cranked up the radio, creating a virtual Air Supply concert at the Rawlings Group. (and giving her a 4-3 lead). Tomaszewski jumped over the cube and tackled Mathis and her radio - 4-4 tie. This repeated THREE times - evening the score at 7.
With the score tied at 7, Tomahawk went for his move... Suddenly Mathis' radio went silent. And then there was suddenly a man with a hispanic/Chicago/Polish accent making a song request. "I'd like to know if you could play a little Deep Purple." Deep Purple? On KEZK? Wait, Mathis recognized that voice - coming from from the cube behind her. She was furious, and made her move. She lifted Bob off the ground and began to spin. First slow, then fast, then very fast, like a top. She freed her right arm (balancing Bob with her left), and let Dave Matthews Band's song Crash roar through the office as the once formidable Tomaszewski was hurled into the hallway where he was able to rest. It appears one of Bob's forecasts was incorrect... he should have forecasted an early exit for himself. Mathis is the champion of the Stare at Numbers Regional.
She will meet the winner of tomorrow's matchup - the title game in the Looking Pretty Region:
Jeff France vs Jeff France.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck. May the best France win.
But let us not move so quickly over Mathis. Since her brief honeymoon, Wendy has defeated everything customer service could throw her way - putting Brian Scheele in a cast, Dan Bieg into hiding, and hanging Dave Bommarito from a ceiling fan (by his singlet).
And this matchup had everything you want in a slugfest.
Bob strolled into the office and prepared -- drilling a hole into the space between his cube and Wendy's so that he could attack when she least expected it. Mathis arrived at work, cranked up a little KEZK on her radio and began to hum her way into the morning. Bob watched and waited for his moment. Just as Wendy and the Commodores hit the power ballad Easy, Capone made his move - leaping over the top of the cube wall and whacking his head on Mathis' desk. He also knocked Wendy to the ground - sending both into a painful 2-2 tie early on.
Mathis had to respond. She stood up, digging her piercingly sharp heels into Tomaszewski's side on the way - 3-2 Mathis.
The Tomahawk fought back - as he grabbed Mathis' stomping foot and lifted it - knocking her off-balance and evening the score at 3. He returned to his cube.
The battle shifted to the radio. Tomaszewski has trouble calculating his forecasts as the decibels cranked. In fact it was a bit humorous to onlookers Elrod and O'Connor. Mathis cranked up the radio, creating a virtual Air Supply concert at the Rawlings Group. (and giving her a 4-3 lead). Tomaszewski jumped over the cube and tackled Mathis and her radio - 4-4 tie. This repeated THREE times - evening the score at 7.
With the score tied at 7, Tomahawk went for his move... Suddenly Mathis' radio went silent. And then there was suddenly a man with a hispanic/Chicago/Polish accent making a song request. "I'd like to know if you could play a little Deep Purple." Deep Purple? On KEZK? Wait, Mathis recognized that voice - coming from from the cube behind her. She was furious, and made her move. She lifted Bob off the ground and began to spin. First slow, then fast, then very fast, like a top. She freed her right arm (balancing Bob with her left), and let Dave Matthews Band's song Crash roar through the office as the once formidable Tomaszewski was hurled into the hallway where he was able to rest. It appears one of Bob's forecasts was incorrect... he should have forecasted an early exit for himself. Mathis is the champion of the Stare at Numbers Regional.
She will meet the winner of tomorrow's matchup - the title game in the Looking Pretty Region:
Jeff France vs Jeff France.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck. May the best France win.
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Denny's Hips Don't Lie
The UFC has yet to see a matchup with such different battle tactics.
And with the exception of Friday's upcoming Jeff France vs Jeff France matchup, we won't see two opponents square off this season who are so similar, yet so different.
Brian "Gentle Giant" Hoying prefers Crosby Stills Nash & Young, workouts after work, spoons full of peanut butter, and jumping over things.
Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside likes wild music, grooving, a big steak dinner, and running over things with his Harley.
Hoying was the first to reach the R&D dojo this morning. After a bit of stretching, he was ready. Whiteside entered the building just in time for Hoying began his approach, plant, and arch himself into the air, clearing Denny's head, then smacking him in the back with a series of scissor kicks on his descent that lifted him to an early 2-0 advantage and knocked Whiteside to the ground.
But Whiteside sprung to his feet in one hurried motion -- in a Jackie Chan like recovery. And there is no way Hoying could have seen this coming. You see, not only did Whiteside leap to his feet in one motion, but he also lifted Hoying over his shoulders into a Fireman's carry in that same motion. Whiteside then fell, in the direction Hoying was facing in a move known in the Ultimate Wrestling Circuit as the Death Valley Driver. With the fall, the score was evened up at 2-2.
And that's when the fun started. Whiteside cranked up the music in the dojo. He took off his leather jacket and began to shimmy. With each circular sway of his hips, Hoying got a bit weaker in the knees. And Denny boomed to a 5-2 lead. Brian was able to momentarily get his balance and utilize his substantial reach advantage to both stop the shimmying and deliver a couple of body blows - cutting the gap to 5-4.
But then Denny plugged himself in - sending streams of blinding light out from underneath his shirt. Any guy (or girl) who has ever momentarily lost focus by staring at a person in front of them shaking their hips while streams of light gush all around them knows it is easy to daydream. And the second you start looking at the hips is the second you don't see the painful smacks to the head that pelted down on Hoyings head like angry raindrops. This matchup was over.
Whiteside wins 11-4, and advances to the Elite 8, where he will tangle with his second (2) seed in two battles - Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann next Tuesday -- with the winner representing the Live Action region in the Final 4. This matchup is already being dubbed as "The Battle of the (Mini) Bulge."
Up Next is our first Elite 8 matchup: the Title Game of the Stare at Numbers Regional:
Wendy "the Nasty Newlywed" Mathis versus Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski.
Vote early and tell a friend.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck.
Here are our 4 Regional Title Games:
Stare at Numbers: Wendy Mathis vs Bob Tomaszwewski
Looking Pretty: Jeff France vs Jeff France
Product Kings: Travis Gessley vs Ron Kappauff
Live Action: Denny Whiteside vs Bruce Dickmann
And with the exception of Friday's upcoming Jeff France vs Jeff France matchup, we won't see two opponents square off this season who are so similar, yet so different.
Brian "Gentle Giant" Hoying prefers Crosby Stills Nash & Young, workouts after work, spoons full of peanut butter, and jumping over things.
Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside likes wild music, grooving, a big steak dinner, and running over things with his Harley.
Hoying was the first to reach the R&D dojo this morning. After a bit of stretching, he was ready. Whiteside entered the building just in time for Hoying began his approach, plant, and arch himself into the air, clearing Denny's head, then smacking him in the back with a series of scissor kicks on his descent that lifted him to an early 2-0 advantage and knocked Whiteside to the ground.
But Whiteside sprung to his feet in one hurried motion -- in a Jackie Chan like recovery. And there is no way Hoying could have seen this coming. You see, not only did Whiteside leap to his feet in one motion, but he also lifted Hoying over his shoulders into a Fireman's carry in that same motion. Whiteside then fell, in the direction Hoying was facing in a move known in the Ultimate Wrestling Circuit as the Death Valley Driver. With the fall, the score was evened up at 2-2.
And that's when the fun started. Whiteside cranked up the music in the dojo. He took off his leather jacket and began to shimmy. With each circular sway of his hips, Hoying got a bit weaker in the knees. And Denny boomed to a 5-2 lead. Brian was able to momentarily get his balance and utilize his substantial reach advantage to both stop the shimmying and deliver a couple of body blows - cutting the gap to 5-4.
But then Denny plugged himself in - sending streams of blinding light out from underneath his shirt. Any guy (or girl) who has ever momentarily lost focus by staring at a person in front of them shaking their hips while streams of light gush all around them knows it is easy to daydream. And the second you start looking at the hips is the second you don't see the painful smacks to the head that pelted down on Hoyings head like angry raindrops. This matchup was over.
Whiteside wins 11-4, and advances to the Elite 8, where he will tangle with his second (2) seed in two battles - Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann next Tuesday -- with the winner representing the Live Action region in the Final 4. This matchup is already being dubbed as "The Battle of the (Mini) Bulge."
Up Next is our first Elite 8 matchup: the Title Game of the Stare at Numbers Regional:
Wendy "the Nasty Newlywed" Mathis versus Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski.
Vote early and tell a friend.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck.
Here are our 4 Regional Title Games:
Stare at Numbers: Wendy Mathis vs Bob Tomaszwewski
Looking Pretty: Jeff France vs Jeff France
Product Kings: Travis Gessley vs Ron Kappauff
Live Action: Denny Whiteside vs Bruce Dickmann
Tuesday, September 19, 2006
A Crazy Aerial Firestorm and a Man in Curlers Rock the UFC
Ted "ROY 1969" Sizemore arrived at work early. He was very psyched - we're getting near the big Anniversary of the Rawlings Gold Glove Award (don't miss that presentation - sorry for the reminder plug), AND one of his girls was fighting. In fact, he got in so early that he still had his curlers in his hair.... Early and ready for the Silent Assassin to enter the building. And when Jim O'Connor came in Sizemore read the sign much like he did over 50 times in the 1970s and went sprinting to steal that base. At the last instant, he tucked his leg into a menacing slide, taking out O'Connors legs before he could even THINK about getting that throw off to first. Or check his email. Or grab a coffee - whatever he wanted to do first this morning. Sizemore then left the area.
O'Connor, in a bit of a daze, was unable to right himself quickly... laying on the ground in the main lobby of the Rawlings Group, when Kate "El Conquistador" Ranzini arrived. Kate quickly dropped her thunderous travel bag onto Jim's stomach not once, not twice, but three times and left the room with an early 3-1-1 lead over Jim (and Ted).
Kate returned (with her headset on and ready), Jim had moved - now hiding in a piece of shrubbery in the lobby, waiting for his snipe attack. Kate saw him and began her approach - pretending of course that she did not see him. Where are you Jim?
But then, with no warning, the wind began to pick up in the lobby, a storm was brewing. And suddenly, plummeting faster than a falling meteor was Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann. In a UFC never-before seen Towering Swan Dive (or for Bruce's forcefulness, more like a Towering Swan Belly Flop), completely wiping out both O'Connor and Ranzini, and giving himself a 4-3-1 lead over the two regularly-scheduled combatants. Dickmann's force shook the faux bricks from the walls of the entryway, and like a ghost, he vanished into the elevator.
Ranzini went to work on O'Connor. She calmly put her caller on mute and took his leg, twisted 180 degrees around and lifted it into the air, driving her elbow into his knee and giggling, before returning to her call - complete with a 5-4-1 advantage. O'Connor has had his own experience with angry callers, and took advantage by cranking up the volume on Ranzini's headset - a cruel move as it, synchronized with a leg sweep completely through off Ranzini's sense of balance, giving O'Connor a quick 6-5-4 lead.
Suddenly, from the balcony came another move from Dickmann. He started in perfect tuck position -- in which Bruce kept his body bent at the waist and knees, with his thighs drawn to his chest and his feet close to his buttocks. He moved, his body in perfect harmony as he gently twisted and twisted - finally extending in a move that would extend his degrees of difficulty to unseen levels - at least unseen to any of us -- Jim and Kate felt this difficulty head on. The resulting collison added points to Dickmann's score (even the Ghanan judge gave him a 9.8) -- and giving him a 9-6-6 lead as he disappeared again into the elevators.
Now, Ranzini was fuming. Contrary to common perceptions, her phone reception extends all the way upstairs... So she climbed the stairwell, went into the customer service department, hauled Dickmann into the lobby - out of his comfort zone. And began to yell. Not calm, happy yells either. Painful ones. (and Dickmann has heard the yells before. He tried to pretend to sleep. But this wouldn't stop it.) The yelling - coupled with a few painful pokes to the chest fueled a rally that evened the score at 9-9-8. (O'Connor benefited from having the time to rejuvenate himself)
Dickmann looked more confused than the last time he held a basketball outside the 3 point line - and that was before Ranzini went berserk. She did what started out as a cute cartwheel and ended with a painful ninja-style scissor kick to the side - knocking out Bruce Bruce and giving herself a commanding 16-9-9 lead.
She went back downstairs, headed to her desk. This match was over.
Or was it? It is very difficult to handle an aerial assault when you are trying to fight on the ground. And Dickmann flew in with one final move, the Triple Lindy. He started on the railing and jumped, flipping in mid air as he made a resounding hissing sound. He landed on the far right side of the railing and then sprung quickly again, building momentum. He flipped, dropping elevation ever so slighly, and steadying himself on the platform before he delivered the contact - like a screen on the basketball court - completely lifting Ranzini and O'Connor from the ground and depositing them in a heap near the door. They could not recover. Dickmann pulls the upset, 20-18-7-1 over Ranzini, O'Connor (and Sizemore). He rocketed himself right back into this crazy UFC, and now advances to meet the winner of our FINAL Sweet 16 matchup:
Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside versus Brian "Gentle Giant" Hoying.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck.
O'Connor, in a bit of a daze, was unable to right himself quickly... laying on the ground in the main lobby of the Rawlings Group, when Kate "El Conquistador" Ranzini arrived. Kate quickly dropped her thunderous travel bag onto Jim's stomach not once, not twice, but three times and left the room with an early 3-1-1 lead over Jim (and Ted).
Kate returned (with her headset on and ready), Jim had moved - now hiding in a piece of shrubbery in the lobby, waiting for his snipe attack. Kate saw him and began her approach - pretending of course that she did not see him. Where are you Jim?
But then, with no warning, the wind began to pick up in the lobby, a storm was brewing. And suddenly, plummeting faster than a falling meteor was Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann. In a UFC never-before seen Towering Swan Dive (or for Bruce's forcefulness, more like a Towering Swan Belly Flop), completely wiping out both O'Connor and Ranzini, and giving himself a 4-3-1 lead over the two regularly-scheduled combatants. Dickmann's force shook the faux bricks from the walls of the entryway, and like a ghost, he vanished into the elevator.
Ranzini went to work on O'Connor. She calmly put her caller on mute and took his leg, twisted 180 degrees around and lifted it into the air, driving her elbow into his knee and giggling, before returning to her call - complete with a 5-4-1 advantage. O'Connor has had his own experience with angry callers, and took advantage by cranking up the volume on Ranzini's headset - a cruel move as it, synchronized with a leg sweep completely through off Ranzini's sense of balance, giving O'Connor a quick 6-5-4 lead.
Suddenly, from the balcony came another move from Dickmann. He started in perfect tuck position -- in which Bruce kept his body bent at the waist and knees, with his thighs drawn to his chest and his feet close to his buttocks. He moved, his body in perfect harmony as he gently twisted and twisted - finally extending in a move that would extend his degrees of difficulty to unseen levels - at least unseen to any of us -- Jim and Kate felt this difficulty head on. The resulting collison added points to Dickmann's score (even the Ghanan judge gave him a 9.8) -- and giving him a 9-6-6 lead as he disappeared again into the elevators.
Now, Ranzini was fuming. Contrary to common perceptions, her phone reception extends all the way upstairs... So she climbed the stairwell, went into the customer service department, hauled Dickmann into the lobby - out of his comfort zone. And began to yell. Not calm, happy yells either. Painful ones. (and Dickmann has heard the yells before. He tried to pretend to sleep. But this wouldn't stop it.) The yelling - coupled with a few painful pokes to the chest fueled a rally that evened the score at 9-9-8. (O'Connor benefited from having the time to rejuvenate himself)
Dickmann looked more confused than the last time he held a basketball outside the 3 point line - and that was before Ranzini went berserk. She did what started out as a cute cartwheel and ended with a painful ninja-style scissor kick to the side - knocking out Bruce Bruce and giving herself a commanding 16-9-9 lead.
She went back downstairs, headed to her desk. This match was over.
Or was it? It is very difficult to handle an aerial assault when you are trying to fight on the ground. And Dickmann flew in with one final move, the Triple Lindy. He started on the railing and jumped, flipping in mid air as he made a resounding hissing sound. He landed on the far right side of the railing and then sprung quickly again, building momentum. He flipped, dropping elevation ever so slighly, and steadying himself on the platform before he delivered the contact - like a screen on the basketball court - completely lifting Ranzini and O'Connor from the ground and depositing them in a heap near the door. They could not recover. Dickmann pulls the upset, 20-18-7-1 over Ranzini, O'Connor (and Sizemore). He rocketed himself right back into this crazy UFC, and now advances to meet the winner of our FINAL Sweet 16 matchup:
Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside versus Brian "Gentle Giant" Hoying.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck.
Monday, September 18, 2006
Warning: Do not eat canned tuna
This release was found on the newswire from June:
A batch of tuna fish imported from Thailand has intercept by Zhongshan Inspection and Quarantine Bureau for containing cadmium 5 times above the safety standard.This batch of tuna fish will be destroyed according to related regulations. Cadmium is said to be one of the most nocuous elements to human health, which may lead to toxicosis or even death.
http://www.newsgd.com/news/guangdong1/200606270077.htm
Incidentally, the latest sample of materials for the Worth bag line arrived into our offices in late June as well.....
Back to today's matchup.
Scott "Tuna" Siebers arrived early and straightened up his office - making a nice spot available to hang his UFC title belt. He closed his office door, did a few push ups to get the blood flowing, and downed a glass of pure whey protein mixed with water, walked out to the parking lot, and waited.
Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley pulled into the office parking lot. As he extended his ladder to climb out of his truck, he did not see the nimble Siebers awaiting him. As he stepped down, Siebers extended out his Fusion bat (which he had conveniently compacted for hiding purposes) and delivered a pelt that returned 29% more energy into Gessley than it would have had he used a slab of titanium.
Wow. 1-0 Siebers.
Gessley recovered, reached into his bag, and handed a nice new can of tuna to Siebers. Siebers dropped everything and began to devour the tuna. That was the only opening the British Bulldog would need, as he unleashed a snarl, followed by a rapid succession of flailing appendages - several of which came extremely close to connecting with Siebers. The Mayhem that resulted lifted Gessley to a 5-2 lead, as the two now tangled near the trail that runs outside our offices.
That's when the matchup changed. Into the scene came Seth "Purple Nurple" Elrod - who was out for his daily run. The last words Siebers or Gessley would hear for a few minutes were "don't worry Robert, I'll clear the path". Several Brooks-branded kicks to the head later, the jogging path was clear and the battle was delayed.
Gessley was the first to come to. He stood up, surveyed the scene and his still groggy opponent. He began to yell as he sprinted away, and climbed to the top of his truck. He stood on top, some 30 feet in the air, raising his arms while Siebers looked up shaking his head "NO. NO." Too late, the flying British Bulldog delivered a flying tsunami onto Siebers, ending the match.
Gessley wins 12-2-1 over Siebers and Elrod. He advances to the Product Kings Regional Final, next Monday versus Ron "Foot of Fury" Kappauff.
Today's matchup moves us to the Live Action region for the highly anticipated contest of:
#8 Kate "El Conquistador" Ranzini versus #12 Jim "Silent Assassin" (or "Silent but Deadly") O'Connor.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck.
A batch of tuna fish imported from Thailand has intercept by Zhongshan Inspection and Quarantine Bureau for containing cadmium 5 times above the safety standard.This batch of tuna fish will be destroyed according to related regulations. Cadmium is said to be one of the most nocuous elements to human health, which may lead to toxicosis or even death.
http://www.newsgd.com/news/guangdong1/200606270077.htm
Incidentally, the latest sample of materials for the Worth bag line arrived into our offices in late June as well.....
Back to today's matchup.
Scott "Tuna" Siebers arrived early and straightened up his office - making a nice spot available to hang his UFC title belt. He closed his office door, did a few push ups to get the blood flowing, and downed a glass of pure whey protein mixed with water, walked out to the parking lot, and waited.
Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley pulled into the office parking lot. As he extended his ladder to climb out of his truck, he did not see the nimble Siebers awaiting him. As he stepped down, Siebers extended out his Fusion bat (which he had conveniently compacted for hiding purposes) and delivered a pelt that returned 29% more energy into Gessley than it would have had he used a slab of titanium.
Wow. 1-0 Siebers.
Gessley recovered, reached into his bag, and handed a nice new can of tuna to Siebers. Siebers dropped everything and began to devour the tuna. That was the only opening the British Bulldog would need, as he unleashed a snarl, followed by a rapid succession of flailing appendages - several of which came extremely close to connecting with Siebers. The Mayhem that resulted lifted Gessley to a 5-2 lead, as the two now tangled near the trail that runs outside our offices.
That's when the matchup changed. Into the scene came Seth "Purple Nurple" Elrod - who was out for his daily run. The last words Siebers or Gessley would hear for a few minutes were "don't worry Robert, I'll clear the path". Several Brooks-branded kicks to the head later, the jogging path was clear and the battle was delayed.
Gessley was the first to come to. He stood up, surveyed the scene and his still groggy opponent. He began to yell as he sprinted away, and climbed to the top of his truck. He stood on top, some 30 feet in the air, raising his arms while Siebers looked up shaking his head "NO. NO." Too late, the flying British Bulldog delivered a flying tsunami onto Siebers, ending the match.
Gessley wins 12-2-1 over Siebers and Elrod. He advances to the Product Kings Regional Final, next Monday versus Ron "Foot of Fury" Kappauff.
Today's matchup moves us to the Live Action region for the highly anticipated contest of:
#8 Kate "El Conquistador" Ranzini versus #12 Jim "Silent Assassin" (or "Silent but Deadly") O'Connor.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good Luck.
Sunday, September 17, 2006
Ron "Foot of Fury" Kappauff set off to become the only "1" seed to make our Elite 8. In his way stood (or should I say posed) Derek "Zoolander" Speicher. This looked, on paper, to be a great matchup. Speicher loves to work it down the runway, but Kappauff has been known to be better at actually closing the deal.
Speicher arrived at the match wearing loose-fitting clothes, which may have barely squeezed through the acceptable Rawlings dress code. He showed up outside Kappauff's cube, set to debut his latest move on Kappauff. Unfortunately for him, his move would have to wait on Kappauff to deliver a quick message. And by message, I mean for Kappauff to grab him with his left hand and throw him over the top of his cube into Ben Schoen's cubicle. (He was finishing up an email with his right hand and did not want to give his full attention so early)
Kappauff then approached Speicher, who was posing outside Zumbach's office (no, Zoomy was not around, this was just a favorite posing ground revisited), debuting what he liked to call the Mizzou Hoops look, where he had a pearly glisten of tears in his eyes as he gazed into any newcomer who might stroll by. The look caught Kappauff completely off-guard, evening up the score at 2-2 as butterflies now fluttered inside Ron.
But no look could steal Kappauff's heart. Kappauff showed his heart in winning the St Louis Intercollegiate Athletic Conference Newcomer of the Year several years ago. He had also showed an affinity for playing dirty. And that's exactly how he went to work on his opponent.
First, he attacked with what is known as a Bionic Elbow - facing Derek, raising his arm, and then delivering a downward smash to his head with his elbow. Ouch. Kappauff led 6-2, and sent Speicher backwards to fix up his 'do'.
That's when Kappauff went into his soccer repertoire for his next move, the Pay-Lay Kick. It began innocently enough, with Kappauff's back to Speicher. He then performed a standing backflip, hitting Derek in the head with first his right, then his left leg. Kappauff landed on his hands with his feet facing downward. Wow. This one, in fact, is dedicated to the soccer star Pele, who in fact delivered many an overhead kick himself. Kappauff led 10-2.
Just when you wanted this beating to end, it was time for a Facewash. Kappauff attacked and repeatedly rubbed the soles of his Speedcats on Speicher's face.
Kappauff extended the lead to 13-2 before being attacked quickly by a little fella, who came to Derek's aid a bit late. This one goes to Kappauff advances to the Elite 8, where he will meet the winner of our next matchup:
#2 Scott "Tuna" Siebers versus #3 Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
And, for the remaining 10 matchups until we crown our title winner:
Siebers vs Gessley Monday 9/18
Kate Ranzini vs Jim O'Connor Tuesday 9/19
Denny Whiteside vs Brian Hoying Wednesday 9/20
ELITE 8
Wendy Mathis vs Bob Tomaszewski Thursday 9/21
Jeff France vs Jeff France Friday 9/22
Ron Kappauff vs Gessley/Siebers winner Monday 9/25
Ranzini/O'Connor winner vs Whiteside/Hoying winner Tuesday 9/26
FINAL 4
Matchup 1 Thursday 9/28
Matchup 2 Friday 9/29
TITLE GAME Tuesday 10/3
Good Luck.
Friday, September 15, 2006
Um...is France fighting again?
(by Matt Howell)Well, folks..don't check twice..yes indeed Jeff France is fighting again. But this time, it isn't his 2 graphics lackeys, it's the more formidable Tower of Power. Would Jeff Freedom Fries be winded from his previous days fight or would the power of the bright white tennis shoes take him to victory?
The fighting started off slow - I suppose both fighters were still blinded by the blogsite picture of Big Sexy..I know I am. But, Andy tied the shoelaces together of France's bright white shoes, tripping him to the ground and quickly getting the early 1-0 lead. Not phased by the 3rd grade trick, Francey quickly blinded Andy with the light of his shoes and got a punch in of his own on the way down tying the score 1-1.
Freedom Shoes must have had his coffee early because while still lying on the ground trying to undo his shoelaces, he caught the still blind Andy off guard and with a never seen before, double shoes tied together, roundhouse kick while lying on your back, France got the 2-1 margin. Oh but boy did that wake a sleeping giant...literally..Andy's a giant - have you seen him? Holding France down with one arm while France spun around aimlessly, Andy got his shots in ..and in..and in...and in..and then a whif (Stealthy Jim O Connor distracted him)..and one more...before France could even recover, Andy was up 6-2.
France was still recovering from the shots taken on both sides from his previous victory and didn't have much in the tank. But like a second wind, Francey had a 2nd pair of shoes - were they black?, were they Nikes? (the horror), were they K-Swiss? No, I think he borrowed Kappauff's Roos as he hopped up from the ground where the Tower had left him to bleed and rattled off a series of punches like the Tower hadn't seen since the days of the Missouri Valley Conference tournament play.
Running around the office, faster than...well, faster than customer service can take care of a ticked off customer because we shipped them incorrect orders due to unit of measure issues when they ordered 10 dozen of something that comes in dozens, but we sent them 10 eaches but we charged them for 20 dozen and then accounting charged the discount to Miken...whoa, sorry, I digress, but you get the point...anyway, France let his alter ego take over and quickly pummeled Andy with 10 straight shots to the chest (that's as high up as he could reach on Andy) in a matter of 5 minutes. The blinding light that whizzed by had Andy down 12-6.
All Andy had left after that display of power was a shot to the top of France's head as his hands fell to his side...it still counts but it wasn't enough. The Tower of Power falls to France 12-7. That was France second (or third really) victim in 2 days.
Jeff moves on to play with...well, himself..wait, that sounds bad. Jeff France will meet none other than Jeff France in the next round. That should be riveting.
Next matchup...Ron "I Caught the Last Out in the Peg Legs Championship Game (yes, you heard right we are the champions)" Kappauff vs. Derek "When Are We Getting More Interns" Speicher.
Vote Early and Vote Often.
Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Whiteside Training Regimen is Flat Out Scary
WOW.
Unknown Rawlings photographers have been able to capture secret training footage of Denny "Big Sexy" Whiteside and, let me tell you, be afraid. Be very very afraid of what might hit you. This man is READY.
The Ultimate Graphics Showdown
Jason "Lerroyyy Jenkins" Voorhees was the newcomer, the young fella in the Rawlings Group's graphics team. He had risen from intern to employee faster than any employee outside of Bommarito. And he was out to prove he had the graphic skillz needed to dominate the UFC.
Jason "Spanish Blood" McCartney was the veteran, the old man of the graphics team, the voice of experience. Looking to send Voorhees back to his drawing board to make more t shirts.
This was the ultimate graphics showdown.
And it would be settled in the best way possible for these combatants: Via a good old-fashioned game of Pictionary. A coin flip determined the teams. McCartney would draw for the Worth product managers, Voorhees for the Rawlings product managers.
Former UFC castoffs Tim Lord, Scott Keene, Seth Elrod, and Dan Cullinane joined current wannabee title holders Travis Gessley and Scott Siebers rounded out the teams.
And they were off.
First up was Team Worth. Tim Lord sat extra close to the chart, as he both likes to look over the artist's shoulders and his vision is failing a bit in his old(er) age. Travis Gessley tossed some things around, clearing off some tables to make room for himself. Seth Elrod color coded the markers to make McCartney's job easier.
And McCartney did a glorious job, crafting an image of first a sports diamond. Wait a softball diamond. He began to draw a bat. He moved on quickly to the uniform, but (wait) the Worth team demanded he go back and change the bat color... done. Now he was back to the athlete, spending a ton of time in the details, bringing out the color in the scene at the plate. The look that screamed Mayhem....
The beauty in the scene was unrefutable. McCartney leads 3-0.
But WAIT.
The game was interrupted by a flash of blinding light. Glorious Blinding Light. It was Jeff France. No, No, No. That look would NOT work for the Worth line. McCartney would have to start over. France kicked the easel over with his pearly white kicks and left with a 5-2-0 lead over the two Jasons.
Next up was Voorhees and team Rawlings.
The three product managers sat at attention and waited.
Voorhees began to draw a monster, wait a dragon, with a growth coming off of his arm. But the dragon wasn't fierce enough for the Rawlings guys. More fire they said. Done. Now the spikes. Make them spikier, and add some Cool Flo vents to the dragon. Fine... But wait, is that leather scale the right shade of brown? This was leaving no doubt at all that Voorhees had, in fact, created a fierce looking dragon, Trogdor, with his fierce looking growth, Kuato, that the Rawlings team desired.
McCartney was frightened. Enough to give up 3 points. But then...
CRACK. another blinding light came in. This is NOT the look for the Rawlings brand. And with 4 kicks to the head and two to the now wobbly easel, the K Swisses had spoken.
Both wounded combatants left the game to return to their workstations and the direction was given. Jeff France has won the fight, 12-3-3 over both Jasons.
France advances to meet the winner of our next battle,
Jeff "Schizo Frantic" France versus Andy "Tower of Power" Pawlowski
Jason "Spanish Blood" McCartney was the veteran, the old man of the graphics team, the voice of experience. Looking to send Voorhees back to his drawing board to make more t shirts.
This was the ultimate graphics showdown.
And it would be settled in the best way possible for these combatants: Via a good old-fashioned game of Pictionary. A coin flip determined the teams. McCartney would draw for the Worth product managers, Voorhees for the Rawlings product managers.
Former UFC castoffs Tim Lord, Scott Keene, Seth Elrod, and Dan Cullinane joined current wannabee title holders Travis Gessley and Scott Siebers rounded out the teams.
And they were off.
First up was Team Worth. Tim Lord sat extra close to the chart, as he both likes to look over the artist's shoulders and his vision is failing a bit in his old(er) age. Travis Gessley tossed some things around, clearing off some tables to make room for himself. Seth Elrod color coded the markers to make McCartney's job easier.
And McCartney did a glorious job, crafting an image of first a sports diamond. Wait a softball diamond. He began to draw a bat. He moved on quickly to the uniform, but (wait) the Worth team demanded he go back and change the bat color... done. Now he was back to the athlete, spending a ton of time in the details, bringing out the color in the scene at the plate. The look that screamed Mayhem....
The beauty in the scene was unrefutable. McCartney leads 3-0.
But WAIT.
The game was interrupted by a flash of blinding light. Glorious Blinding Light. It was Jeff France. No, No, No. That look would NOT work for the Worth line. McCartney would have to start over. France kicked the easel over with his pearly white kicks and left with a 5-2-0 lead over the two Jasons.
Next up was Voorhees and team Rawlings.
The three product managers sat at attention and waited.
Voorhees began to draw a monster, wait a dragon, with a growth coming off of his arm. But the dragon wasn't fierce enough for the Rawlings guys. More fire they said. Done. Now the spikes. Make them spikier, and add some Cool Flo vents to the dragon. Fine... But wait, is that leather scale the right shade of brown? This was leaving no doubt at all that Voorhees had, in fact, created a fierce looking dragon, Trogdor, with his fierce looking growth, Kuato, that the Rawlings team desired.
McCartney was frightened. Enough to give up 3 points. But then...
CRACK. another blinding light came in. This is NOT the look for the Rawlings brand. And with 4 kicks to the head and two to the now wobbly easel, the K Swisses had spoken.
Both wounded combatants left the game to return to their workstations and the direction was given. Jeff France has won the fight, 12-3-3 over both Jasons.
France advances to meet the winner of our next battle,
Jeff "Schizo Frantic" France versus Andy "Tower of Power" Pawlowski
Tuesday, September 12, 2006
Is the R&D team planning for 07?
Reports have surfaced that the R & D team is about to unveil their secret weapon, with the toughest name on the UFC Ticket for 2007:
Logan Justice.
Watch your backs.
Logan Justice.
Watch your backs.
How do you Spell PAIN?
The vote was rocked...
The day started calmly for the Number Puncher. He pulled up to the Rawlings Group early in his trusty 95 ALUM. He stalked the steps to the front door and waited for Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski to arrive. Upon entering the building, Bob approached the door to punch in his code. It didn't work. The light flashed red. He heard a cackle and then could merely watch in awe as Howell lept through the air and made him fall victim to the much calculated and well-timed leg slice maneuver. Howell stood above him and taunted his way to an early 1-0 lead.
The battleground retreated to the building lobby. Tomahawk attempted to yell, but could not stop Howell from grabbing numbers and letters from the Welcome to Rawlings sign and throwing them in a powerful yet limp-wristed manner right at the taller combatant. Howell powered his way to a 4-1 advantage.
That's when the Tomahawk went to work.
Serving up moves learned on the hard streets of the South Side, Capone moved in quick and delivered a repetitious forward and backward smack action at a rapid speed to the chin of the Number Puncher -- knotting up the score at 5-5. It would have been a tougher edge, but come on, how predictable is this?
Both UFC combatants felt wounded and knew they needed to shift to the battle-style last used by the Ancients... Scrabble.
This was not a fair battle field for Howell. Now he might have thought so initially, but two thoughts:
1. Does Howell care if the battleground is fair?
2. Does Howell know that Tomaszewski is fluent in many languages and has made up several others?
So they squared off in the graphics department at one of the tables. Howell focused his word choices around his accounting background - words such as cut, slice, accrual, and then mixing in his passions: Booches and LJS. All cool words, and enough to keep the score close at 15-10.
Tomaszweski responded to this relatively tight 15-10 game by going on a word rampage. He brought in words that I, honestly, cannot repeat because i both couldn't understand them and they took up a ton of letters. Being the perfect mix of Polish, Spanish, Chicagoan, and English, they were impossible to challenge. And they allowed Bob to rumble to an unbelievable 35-13 lead. WOW.
Howell was furious. He tried calling for interns. But they were gone. And, like any good Mizzou product, it is tough to envision them mounting a comeback. Victory for the Tomahawk: 38-15, as the voting total broke 50 but fell short of the record 59 votes set previously in the Tomaszewski/Dickmann rumble in the jungle.
Tomaszewski advances to the Elite 8 where he will square off against Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis, next Thursday (9/21).
Up next:
Top seed in the Looking Pretty Regional, Jason "Spanish Blood" McCartney goes to work against #4 Jason "Lerrrrroooyyyyy Jenkins" Voorhees. This one's going to the streets
The day started calmly for the Number Puncher. He pulled up to the Rawlings Group early in his trusty 95 ALUM. He stalked the steps to the front door and waited for Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski to arrive. Upon entering the building, Bob approached the door to punch in his code. It didn't work. The light flashed red. He heard a cackle and then could merely watch in awe as Howell lept through the air and made him fall victim to the much calculated and well-timed leg slice maneuver. Howell stood above him and taunted his way to an early 1-0 lead.
The battleground retreated to the building lobby. Tomahawk attempted to yell, but could not stop Howell from grabbing numbers and letters from the Welcome to Rawlings sign and throwing them in a powerful yet limp-wristed manner right at the taller combatant. Howell powered his way to a 4-1 advantage.
That's when the Tomahawk went to work.
Serving up moves learned on the hard streets of the South Side, Capone moved in quick and delivered a repetitious forward and backward smack action at a rapid speed to the chin of the Number Puncher -- knotting up the score at 5-5. It would have been a tougher edge, but come on, how predictable is this?
Both UFC combatants felt wounded and knew they needed to shift to the battle-style last used by the Ancients... Scrabble.
This was not a fair battle field for Howell. Now he might have thought so initially, but two thoughts:
1. Does Howell care if the battleground is fair?
2. Does Howell know that Tomaszewski is fluent in many languages and has made up several others?
So they squared off in the graphics department at one of the tables. Howell focused his word choices around his accounting background - words such as cut, slice, accrual, and then mixing in his passions: Booches and LJS. All cool words, and enough to keep the score close at 15-10.
Tomaszweski responded to this relatively tight 15-10 game by going on a word rampage. He brought in words that I, honestly, cannot repeat because i both couldn't understand them and they took up a ton of letters. Being the perfect mix of Polish, Spanish, Chicagoan, and English, they were impossible to challenge. And they allowed Bob to rumble to an unbelievable 35-13 lead. WOW.
Howell was furious. He tried calling for interns. But they were gone. And, like any good Mizzou product, it is tough to envision them mounting a comeback. Victory for the Tomahawk: 38-15, as the voting total broke 50 but fell short of the record 59 votes set previously in the Tomaszewski/Dickmann rumble in the jungle.
Tomaszewski advances to the Elite 8 where he will square off against Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis, next Thursday (9/21).
Up next:
Top seed in the Looking Pretty Regional, Jason "Spanish Blood" McCartney goes to work against #4 Jason "Lerrrrroooyyyyy Jenkins" Voorhees. This one's going to the streets
Monday, September 11, 2006
Could a man in a leather spandex bodysuit ruin a honeymoon?
Today's match is proof that every vote matters.
Dave "Italian Stallion" Bommarito spent the past week working hard. Sporting his reflective bodysuit (which he had spraycoated with Liquidmetal for a bit extra weight) to work to get into match weight the past week had him prepared. But he was about to learn that the Nasty Newlywed was a bit tougher than Ryan Brady or Chance Hollingsworth. Mathis has been spent the past week getting amped herself - gradually shifting the dial of her radio from Air Supply to a little bit of Chicago, mixed with the occassional REO Speedwagon. Yes, it is Sweet 16 time folks...
The matchup began with a buzz. Bommarito finished his project, drilling a body-sized hole which allowed him to calmly repel from the second floor just above Mathis' cube. He hung, in mid-air, just inches above Mathis' cube decked in a Rawlings Red wrestling singlet with a Worth Ear protector for added protection. But there was no way he could have been prepared for Mathis to, in a single movement, slide her chair backwards, grab a pair of pruning sheers from Tomaszewski's desk, and slice through the repel wires - dropping the Bommer to a painful 1-0 deficit.
Bommarito, however ,was able to bounce back quickly- due largely to the resilient properties of spandex. He rolled quickly to his side and grabbed Mathis by the legs, and lifted -- driving her to the feaux turf near Seth's cube. The match stood even at 3-3.
That's when Mathis went Wild. She grabbed the straps to Bommarito's wrestling singlet and began to stretch them outward, flinging them into his back in a series of agonizing shrieks that would have aroused attention were it not for the fact that Bommarito has pledged a vow of silence. But trust me, the pain was evident. Reports near the scene actually clarified that she timed the snaps to hit Bommarito's chest in perfect melody with the beat of "As Long as You Love Me" by The BackStreet Boys, although those reporters might have mistaken those sounds with the humming in Seth's cube. In any case, Mathis stormed to a 11-5 lead.
Then, the Italian Stallion showed up. He climbed to the top of Jim O'Connor's cube wall and began to roar. He leaped into the air, flipped, and drop kicked Wendy to the turf. As Mathis laid in a daze, clinging to a 12-8 lead, Bommarito got the crowd going. He propped up Mathis in her rolling chair and began to roll it back and forth. As the beat continued, he revved up and launched the chair towards the neighboring cube bank. He then took off in a dead sprint, running, and timed it perfectly. Mathis' chair hit the cube wall, sending Mathis right into Bommarito, knocking both to the ground in a heap and a tie: 13-13. The match was over.
But who won?
Fortunately, a tiebreak procedure was in order. Mathis wins 13-13, by means of the tiebreaker -- a 6 minute margin of victory in the tightest UFC Rawlings battle in history.
She will advance to the Elite 8 to meet the winner of the next matchup:
#6 Matt "Number Puncher" Howell versus #10 Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Dave "Italian Stallion" Bommarito spent the past week working hard. Sporting his reflective bodysuit (which he had spraycoated with Liquidmetal for a bit extra weight) to work to get into match weight the past week had him prepared. But he was about to learn that the Nasty Newlywed was a bit tougher than Ryan Brady or Chance Hollingsworth. Mathis has been spent the past week getting amped herself - gradually shifting the dial of her radio from Air Supply to a little bit of Chicago, mixed with the occassional REO Speedwagon. Yes, it is Sweet 16 time folks...
The matchup began with a buzz. Bommarito finished his project, drilling a body-sized hole which allowed him to calmly repel from the second floor just above Mathis' cube. He hung, in mid-air, just inches above Mathis' cube decked in a Rawlings Red wrestling singlet with a Worth Ear protector for added protection. But there was no way he could have been prepared for Mathis to, in a single movement, slide her chair backwards, grab a pair of pruning sheers from Tomaszewski's desk, and slice through the repel wires - dropping the Bommer to a painful 1-0 deficit.
Bommarito, however ,was able to bounce back quickly- due largely to the resilient properties of spandex. He rolled quickly to his side and grabbed Mathis by the legs, and lifted -- driving her to the feaux turf near Seth's cube. The match stood even at 3-3.
That's when Mathis went Wild. She grabbed the straps to Bommarito's wrestling singlet and began to stretch them outward, flinging them into his back in a series of agonizing shrieks that would have aroused attention were it not for the fact that Bommarito has pledged a vow of silence. But trust me, the pain was evident. Reports near the scene actually clarified that she timed the snaps to hit Bommarito's chest in perfect melody with the beat of "As Long as You Love Me" by The BackStreet Boys, although those reporters might have mistaken those sounds with the humming in Seth's cube. In any case, Mathis stormed to a 11-5 lead.
Then, the Italian Stallion showed up. He climbed to the top of Jim O'Connor's cube wall and began to roar. He leaped into the air, flipped, and drop kicked Wendy to the turf. As Mathis laid in a daze, clinging to a 12-8 lead, Bommarito got the crowd going. He propped up Mathis in her rolling chair and began to roll it back and forth. As the beat continued, he revved up and launched the chair towards the neighboring cube bank. He then took off in a dead sprint, running, and timed it perfectly. Mathis' chair hit the cube wall, sending Mathis right into Bommarito, knocking both to the ground in a heap and a tie: 13-13. The match was over.
But who won?
Fortunately, a tiebreak procedure was in order. Mathis wins 13-13, by means of the tiebreaker -- a 6 minute margin of victory in the tightest UFC Rawlings battle in history.
She will advance to the Elite 8 to meet the winner of the next matchup:
#6 Matt "Number Puncher" Howell versus #10 Bob "Capone" Tomaszewski.
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Friday, September 08, 2006
Alert: Kappauff is Human.
Secret photos have revealed a gash in the head of Ron "Foot of Fury" Kappauff -- proving that he, in fact, is human. His future combatant, Derek "Zoolander" Speicher could not be reached for comment and the cause of the gash remains unknown.
Sweet 16 Preview
Rawlings UFC Sweet 16 Game Analysis
Here we are. This is your final 16 combatants. The SWEET 16. From here on out, there are no upsets. Each warrior has earned their place – be it using the brut force of one, the army of Rawlings, an army of little people, or Carol Mark. And the ultimate prize is in sight.
This is where we will see who is the Rawlings Group’s Ultimate Fighter. The one who everyone else looks up to. And the one who will have the Title Belt.
Let’s take a brief look at the Sweet 16 matchups, set to begin on Monday. Be ready, because things are about to get silly.
Stare at Numbers Region
#8 Wendy “Nasty Newlywed” Mathis vs. #12 Dave “Italian Stallion” Bommarito
Monday 9/11
| | Mathis | Bommarito |
| Preparation | | X |
| Heart | X | |
| Hustle | | X |
| Tenacity | | X |
| Wiliness | X | |
| Strength | X | |
| Reach | X | |
How they got here: Mathis dismembered the third floor – taking out both Brian Scheele and Dan Bieg. Scheele was seen shortly after their fight on crutches and with his foot in a pseudo-cast, while Bieg has not been heard from in weeks. Meanwhile, Bommarito pinned Chance Hollingsworth and Ryan Brady by showing a willingness to leap from desks onto his unsuspecting prey in total silence.
X-Factor: Bommarito’s wrestling singlets. Will they empower him to try the Italian Slingshot or will it serve as an easy way for Mathis to lift and toss the little fella like a garbage bag pull strap?
Andy’s Pick: Mathis. Take one look at Scheele’s hoof and you’ll see why. Rumor has it she signed it “Your Welcome.” Ouch.
#6 Matt “Number Puncher” Howell vs. #10 Bob “Capone” Tomaszewski
Tuesday 9/12
| | Howell | Tomaszewski |
| Preparation | XX | |
| Heart | Even | |
| Hustle | X | |
| Tenacity | | X |
| Wiliness | Even | |
| Strength | | X |
| Reach | | XX |
This one has all the potential to shatter the UFC vote record. And it will be a big letdown to UFC fans company-wide if it doesn’t. This matchup has it all – crazy fans, a crazy fighter, and a willingness to throw us for a UFC loop. I can’t wait.
How they got here: Tomaszewski steamrolled over Lee Lummus and Bruce “Bruce” Dickmann – by an average margin of victory of 24 points – showing this could be the year’s most underrated combatant. Meanwhile, Howell slipped past Ben Schoen and Adam Shupe and (although he garnered a large portion of the intern support, it took a lot more than this to make it so far). Who will Carol Mark support?
X-Factor: Tomaszewski’s stride. In a matchup that could come down to working the field, Tomaszewski can get to Carol Mark’s desk more quickly.
Andy’s Pick: Howell will be inspired, fighting for the honor of his department and to avenge the pummelfest endured by Lummus. But I’m not making the mistake of underrating Tomaszewski. I give this one to the Tomahawk, and wonder if the vote tally will enter the 70s.
Looking Pretty Region
#1 Jason “Spanish Blood” McCartney vs. #4 Jason “Lerrrroooyyy Jenkins” Voorhees
Wednesday 9/13
| | McCartney | Voorhees |
| Preparation | | X |
| Heart | | X |
| Hustle | X | |
| Tenacity | X | |
| Wiliness | | X |
| Strength | X | |
| Reach | X | |
A graphics battle of the Jasons – J1 versus J2. Is this the stage where J2 can finally stop being the other Jason?
How they got here: You might say these two are sprinting into each other’s arms. McCartney flew past the Angry Breeze, Pan Klostermann 35-7, using his Derek Jeter-style jump flips and an odd mix of whisker burns. It’ll be much harder to use these tactics on Voorhees. Voorhees, meanwhile, rocked Seth Elrod’s world, 32.95- 7.05.
X-Factor: Voorhees’ Jazz Hands. Sometimes they can mesmerize you, as done in kickball. If McCartney falls for the same trap, he’ll be exposed.
Andy’s pick: Whenever these two get involved in something, it is best to not try to predict what will happen. I would advise you to be prepared for anything.
#2 Andy “
Thursday 9/14
| | Pawlowski | |
| Preparation | X | |
| Heart | X | |
| Hustle | | X |
| Tenacity | | X |
| Wiliness | | XXX |
| Strength | Even | |
| Reach | XXX | |
How they got here: Pawlowski had a favorable matchup against an intern (Big Al Steinman) who no longer worked in our office walls (he won 15-6).
X-Factor: White or Off-White shoes? If those shoes are sparkling white, Pawlowski will be in trouble. If they are more tannish, he may be able to avoid the KSwiss to the head that can easily happen when you get blinded.
Andy’s pick:
Product Kings Region
#1 Ron “Foot of Fury” Kappauff vs. #5 Derek “Zoolander” Speicher
Friday 9/15
| | Kappauff | Speicher |
| Preparation | X | |
| Heart | Even | |
| Hustle | | X |
| Tenacity | X | |
| Wiliness | | X |
| Strength | | X |
| Reach | X | |
How they got here:
Speicher danced his way to victories over Tim “Weekend Warrior” Lord and Ron “100% Cotton” Hilson. But Kappauff isn’t afraid to close the deal himself – delivering a series of faceplants that led him to a rousing victory over Matt “SENB” Bensing.
X-factor: Will Speicher hire the little guys to play music while he tap dances all over Kappauff’s grill? Or will he simply offer another tease to us all?
Andy’s Pick: Speicher in an upset. He will have a lot of (little) helping hands.
#2 Scott “Big Tuna” Siebers vs. #3 Travis “British Bulldog” Gessley
Monday 9/18
| | Siebers | Gessley |
| Preparation | | X |
| Heart | X | |
| Hustle | | X |
| Tenacity | X | |
| Wiliness | | X |
| Strength | Even | |
| Reach | X | |
How they got here:
Siebers showed that it is all about power. He only delivered 4 blows, which was enough to defeat Zoomy Zumbach to get him here. Meanwhile, Gessley thrashed through Dan Cullinane 15-7 and is poised to take out his 2nd Rawlings product manager in a few days.
X-factor: Who could buy the biggest container of Whey Protein?
Andy’s Pick:
Live Action Regional
#8 Kate “El Conquistador” Ranzini vs. #12 Jim “Silent Assassin” O’Connor
Tuesday 9/19
| | Ranzini | O’Connor |
| Preparation | Even | |
| Heart | Even | |
| Hustle | X | |
| Tenacity | Even | |
| Wiliness | Even | |
| Strength | X | |
| Reach | | X |
How they got here: Ranzini sent Dennis Turner to baseball heaven (her words, not mine) and snuck past her co-hort BarbWire Foerstel in order to make it here. Meanwhile, O’Connor delivered upset smacks to Mark Kraemer and Ryan Farrar.
X-Factor: Tomaszewski. O’Connor is closer to Tomahawk’s cube (and he drinks a lot of coffee) - meaning he will always be on edge. In a close matchup, the jitters may make a difference.
Andy’s pick: O’Connor. Three words: Silent but Deadly. (ask any kid if that is a killer and you’ll see)
#2 Brian “Gentle Giant” Hoying vs. #6 Denny “Big Sexy” Whiteside
Wednesday 9/20
| | Hoying | Whiteside |
| Preparation | X | |
| Heart | | XX |
| Hustle | X | |
| Tenacity | | X |
| Wiliness | | XXX |
| Strength | XX | |
| Reach | XXX | |
How they got here: Hoying stole the shirt off DT’s back and then solidified his position as the top seed in the Live Action region by crushing his boss, Clubber Wang Chou. Big Sexy Whiteside has broken two hearts, Biju and Curtis Cruz, along the way.
X-Factor:
Andy’s pick: Big Sexy. The man defines unpredictability.
