...and I'm not even talking about UFC.
Despite hours upon hours of rowing boats with Tim and daily cardio routines with Robert, Seth "Purple Nurple" Elrod needed more preparation. He spent the past week at his fiancee's school playground, trying to learn some new moves. Moves which he planned to unleash at Jason "Leroy Jankins" Voorhees.
The confrontation started innocent enough. Elrod brought over an art request and began to lay it onto the desk of Voorhees. Unfortunately, he leaned over to place it on the desk. In what could best be stated as nano-seconds, Voorhees grabbed Elrod by the hair and thrust him into the desk, sending a resounding echo through the heart of the Rawlings Group. As Elrod stared at the 3-0 deficit, he grabbed onto Voorhees' right arm with both hands and began to twist, in opposite directions, hoping this Indian Burn technique would send J2 screaming.
It didn't.
Voorhees smacked his arms against his chest with great force and began to shake. Elrod stood still. The shaking got faster and faster. And then, Jankins erupted. He unleashed a frenzy of moves which started slowly, with an evil stare, followed by a gentle smack. As Elrod exhaled a sigh of relief, Voorhees suddenly grabbed him and began to lift him into the air. It was Power Bomb time. He lifted Elrod into the air and tossed him to the ground. Ka-Boom. He then went to work on Elrod, delivering a series of slaps that set off fire alarms and ran the lead to 11.95-2.05.
Elrod tried to retaliate by giving a hug. But not the warm kind. He wanted to give the kind you get when the other person really doesn't want to give you one. Very awkward. The Purple Nurple wanted to make Jankins feel a bit uncomfortable, and this at least temporarily slowed the beating, as the score stood at 15.95-6.95.
Voorhees again easily escaped and lifted Elrod's right leg into the air, preparing for a painful maneuver. He then leg whipped Elrod's left leg, delivering Seth to the ground in what is known as a Dragon Screw maneuver. You might know it better as Severe Pain. (Seth certainly did)
It was on.
Carol "Off the" Mark strolled through the graphics area and tossed Voorhees his final tool, a razor. Voorhees took the razor and began to deliver his trademark: a check mark in your hair. As in: DONE.
In the end, this game was nowhere near as close as many hoped. Voorhees wins 32.95 - 7.05. He advances to meet top-seeded Jason "Spanish Blood" McCartney in what is most certain to be an intense and graphic confrontation. You will NOT want to miss that one.
Up next: #3 Jeff "Schizo Frantic" France versus #6 Brian "Death Slide" Dorsey
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
Good luck.
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