Allow me to set the scene: It was one of those mornings when you wish you never would have gotten out of bed. The Maryville baseball field felt colder than usual with a gentle mist that was just annoying enough to make the spectators of yesterday’s UFC match pull out their umbrellas. It was getting lighter, but the sun was not showing. There was tension surrounding everyone in attendance…..especially the fighters, Dennis "Bat Man" Turner and Kate "El Conquistador" Ranzini.
The match started out slowly, but then awoke the crowd. Dennis had asked that Kate throw him some pitches before things really got heated to entertain the crowd. (“I’m more than a softball player, I’m an entertainer…”) Kate picked up one of the softballs and threw it at him. “HA! Take that DT.” (Here the crowd started to BOOOOOOO b/c they knew Kate was way too nice for a real fight.) This was all a front b/c as soon as Bat Man stepped back into the batter’s box, it was on. Kate picked up the whole trash can of balls and chucked it at him with the strength of a lumber jack. Dennis got knocked out, the end.
Just kidding, that’s just the start. Kate was up 4-0 with that move though. Bat Man rushed the mound, but he didn’t really do it with that much intimidation b/c he rode his bat there like a “horsey,” in his words, galloping and smacking his own hind end. He beat Kate over the head and pounded her into the ground like a cartoon. Dennis gained a point, but still down 4-1.
From there the match was back and forth like a ping-pong game. The crowd was blinded to what was actually going on in the fight b/c there was too much dust from the scuffle. They were separated and counted scars, Kate was up 9-5…….HOLY MOLY, make that 11-5, she just stuck an ice-pick in Dennis’s knee. This was low, where did that come from? Wow. That hurts.
Limping and bruised (and probably hung over, you know how he drinks….) Dennis was crying like a little baby girl.
Bat Man pulled out his batting glove and slapped Kate with it. 1 point gained by DT. Judges weren’t going to give it to him b/c it was sooooo lame, but he was down and they felt sorry for him. Score 11-6, Kate’s still up.
They again traded punches, going back and forth getting to a score of 16-8. This fight was a marathon, not a sprint. It was at this point that the crowd started the slow chant, “El-Con-quist-a-dor, El-Con-quist-a-dor,” which is not an easy chant. With the strength of the crowd, Kate picked up Bat Man and repeatedly gave him atomic wedgies and noogies and Indian burn to the arm and rear admirals and that trick where Kate pointed 2 fingers at DT and he put his hand up sideways in front of his face and Kate smashed his own hand into his face. (all oldies, but goodies) The score now 24-8 in Kate’s favor.
Dennis appeared to be out cold. Out of nowhere, J2 started yelling, “Donkey, Donkey!!!!” DT was obviously re-energized with this support b/c you should have seen him run. He did like the hands waving over the head, feet flailing, high pitched scream run off the field. They gave him a point for this too b/c it was sooooo unbelievably sad to see this huge guy run like such a child. Final score 24-9, Kate wins!!!
Dennis was not available to comment since he ran, but did send out an interesting (but waaaaaay too late, ok, only a day late, but still not very timely) email this morning, I guess rallying support for next year?
Oh, and then Andy stepped out from behind the foul pole where he was hiding. What? Just letting you know where he’s been.
Next up:
#4 Ryan “MoBap Mystery” Farrar vs. #12 Jim "Silent Assassin" O'Connor
Email your vote to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com
0 comments:
Post a Comment