UFC - Who will Ron have to Drive home this time??

(Guest writer: Seth Elrod)

Friday’s battle between #11 Dan "The Great Adam" Cullinane and #3 Travis "British Bulldog" Gessley was yet another bone crushing battle amongst a string of strong UFC battles, but who’s bone would be crushed this time? The fight started right on time with both contestants meeting in the agreed upon half-way point in the graphics area. Everything was bubble wrapped, child proofed, and oiled down…..just the way they requested it.

Dan “Adam the Great” arrived early because of his super-human walking speed dressed only in a single fig leaf to cover the important area (leaving his protective equipment at home) and demanded an early 1-0 lead over the Bulldog. Travis new he had brought his leaf blower for a reason that morning and quickly cranked it up and blew Dan away for 3 points to take the lead at 3-1. Things got awkward from there as you can imagine.

Next, Travis figured he would hit Dan where it counts in his one weak spot, so he punched him right in the rib cage, but the joke was on Travis. Dan had come prepared; he had actually broken all of his own ribs before the match and left one strategically poking out of his skin which cut Travis’s hand. 3-3 just like that.

Now, with a name like “British Bulldog,” the spectators didn’t expect to see such an act of patriotism from Gessley, but they were in for a surprise. In what fans would later call “the Liberty,” Travis held one hand in the air, gazed at a Worth catalog in his other hand that was held close to the body and stayed motionless…but he was not frozen with fear. He quickly came alive in a twirly-swirly-wirly motion and gained 6 more points for a 9-3 lead.

In this move, Dan’s pokey rib was sent back into his body puncturing his heart which oozed Rawlings Red. Travis thought Dan was holding his hand over his heart to celebrate his country as well, but he was actually just covering the wound. Travis was busy doing celebratory air-punches when Dan, out of nowhere, gave Travis a smack to the face with his blood covered hand. (Dan then started to mimic the movie Castaway yelling “Wilson, Wiiiiiiiiiiiilllllllson” because Travis had a perfect handprint on his face. Dan then explained, with Ron’s help, why Rawlings volleyballs are superior to the Wilson brand.) Score 9-4, Gessley.

Travis came back with some lame trash talking that went something like, “I’ll call you Wilson”…and then trailed off. Good thing his walk is better than his talk. Travis was angry, I mean really mad, like really mad. He jumped on the table and did a swan dive, then a cannon ball, then a back flip, and then a flying ninja jump kick all of which landed on Dan’s jaw. Travis leads 13-4.

Dan got in 3 more jabs before Travis fed him the forbidden fruit to finish him off. The British Bulldog more than doubles Adam the Great 15-7 in an epic battle.

Travis was not available for comment after the match, it appears that he has cocooned himself in one of his equipment bags so that he could rest until the next battle where he will face the winner of today’s fight. Something about floating like a butterfly...........

Up Next:

#2 Scott “Big Tuna“ Siebers vs. #7 David “Zoomy” Zumbach

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