Rawlings Rocks the UFC vote, Runs up a Score

One thing we need to get out of the way: there is no Mercy Rule in the Rawlings UFC. UFC combatants (at least the more successful ones) are trained to be aggressive, even if the opposition is backed into the corner. You play to win and you play to put on a show. And this was a matchup for the ages. These were the two biggest warriors remaining in the Stare at Numbers Region. And I could swear you could hear thunder rumbling upstairs.

The battle began on the steps outside the Rawlings Group. When Bruce "Bruce" Dickmann arrived at work, he did not see the large, lumbering figure hiding just over the handicapped ledge dressed in grey. In fact the first glimpse he caught was of the pavement as Tomaszewski hurdled the ledge and parlayed his prey onto the ground with a little help from his Elbow Drop - South Side style. From there, he switched positions faster than he might switch favorite Chicago baseball teams (hypothetically) and led Dickmann into the office by the collar of his now untucked and disheveled shirt. As Bobby Tomahawk led his victim past the security gate, he brought a nice smirk as he took a quick 7-1 lead.

As an interlude, and a warning to all UFC combatants, I'd like to share some advice. A little heart-to-heart. Be prepared. Get some sleep, wear loose clothing (unless this goes against your style/routine, that is). I feel urged to bring this up as Bruce "Bruce" kept falling asleep in this fight. Now I'll give Bruce some credit. The man tried to act as if he was awake.... but it was clear to those paying attention that he wasn't. And it was clear by what happened next that the Tomahawk didn't really care.

As Dickmann got a couple of last second z's, Tomaszewski went to work. First, he sat Bruce down at a nice conference table. Then he stood up, pushed his chair in like the consummate gentleman he is to make him comfortable. Then he let it out. Dribbling Dickmann's head into the table over and over again like a deflated basketball.... Dickmann found himself in a somewhat unbelievable 17-4 hole. Bruce then stood up, dusted himself off, and pushed his chair in -- but it appeared stuck. He glanced down to see what it was caught on and found a fist from Capone. Stunned, Dickmann reeled himself backwards into a (no this isn't a misprint) 41-10 stupor.

Suddenly, a very confused Brian "Service This" Scheele strolled through -- angry and ready to defend the honor of the Customer Service team. He made his point - delivering a Spinning DDT. Which was ugly and painful, and came with attitude and a howl. (By the way, he left quickly. Very quickly.)

Dickmann felt inspired. He awoke from his beating and began to wail away with a few body moves last used as illegal screens on the basketball courts at Maryville.

But in the end, even with the help of his department, Bruce was Going Going Ghana. And today will be known in future UFC days as the Windy City Massacre.

Tomaszewski advances with a 43-15-1 thrashing over Dickmann (and Scheele). He advances to attack #6 Matt "Number Puncher" Howell in the Sweet 16.

We now turn our attention to the Looking Pretty Region where #1 Seed Jason "Spanish Blood" McCartney makes his UFC debut. He'll battle Pam "Pan" Klostermann, who is earning fear with her pseudo nickname "Angry Breeze". She has taken out one graphics warrior already with a solid victory over Bill Garbe, but faces a crazy obstacle with McCartney. and I mean crazy.

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Good Luck.