A Graphic(s) Battle

I have to admit, this fight was all about posturing.

First, Jeff "Schizo Frantic" France claims he doesn't care who wins. Which (for those of you who don't speak hippy surfer) means "Dorsey's going down. And hard."

Then, Brian "Death Slide" Dorsey vows to win without rocking the vote, which seems like code for I don't need to rock the vote to beat a crazy hippy. (in reality it is Dorsey using his superhero power of PreCognition -- which for those of you who don't follow X-men is the ability to predict the future). But is Dorsey a real superhero? He didn't even have a cape in his battle picture.

The fight speaks for itself.

The battle did get off to a later start than anticipated, as Schizo Frantic France locked his keys in his car. He arrived late, although he arrived just in time to receive a smack in the face from Dorsey. 1-0 Dorsey early.

But France is a superhero in his own right. He has a secret power known as Power Locks (no, not the car type). Few may know it, but he has the ability to deliver extreme hair growth in a matter of seconds. As he appeared at Dorsey's desk, he began to grow his hair into a mullet-style rope, winding it into a lasso that took Dorsey to the ground. As the mullet lasso wrangled the startled Dorsey to the graphics turf, Schizo Frantic took a 4-2 lead.

Dorsey became angry, at first not speaking. But then he began to fume, He got up, drug France to the paper cutter and began to take slices of hair out, one painful swipe at a time. This was enough to even the matchup at 6-6.

Suddenly, Jason "LeRoy Jenkins" Vorhees emerged -- arriving late after a victory party celebrating his dismantling of Elrod. (Surprisingly, Elrod was at his party but that is another story altogether). Voorhees saw the battle in progress and cackled. A very eery cackle. And he grabbed both of the warriors by their shirts. Voorhees lifted both shirts, simultaneously, over their heads and began to deliver a simultaneous yellow belly, which really should have been captured on video. He left shortly thereafter.

This one was clearly going down to the wire. And it would come down to a battle of super powers. Dorsey began to launch himself into a final death slide maneuver, only to realize (a second too late) that he was going into his slide too late. They say the last thing you see in these fights is a bright light, something like that light at the end of the tunnel. But for Dorsey, it was the bright light of France's shoes that caught his attention. Smack.

Game over, with two swift white kicks.

France escaped with a 9-7 victory. He advances to meet the winner of the next matchup:

#2 Andy "Tower of Power" Pawlowski battles #7 Allison "Big Al" Steinman.

Email your votes to RawlingsUFC@hotmail.com, but please note that this matchup will be managed and audited by Matt "Number Cruncher" Howell, Inc.

I won't have any part in this.

Good luck.