Biju Goes on a Date, UFC style

We really should consider a better sort of St Louis orientation... and I don't endorse the orientation given today.

Biju "Miken Pain Express" Mathew moved to St Louis just in time for the UFC. Unfortunately for him, he ran into what we know around the office simply as "Big Sexy." The two combatants met in the newly-renovated UFC Development Center, out in Weldon Springs. Biju came complete with some of the fanciest machinery, from cannons to scales to x rays - and able to test anything... but they were not ready for the test headed in their direction.

Big Sexy emerged from a cloud of smoke, decked out in Christmas lights and leaving little to the imagination of his startled prey. He quickly approached while Biju aimed the air cannon. The Pain Express is the kind of combatant you might fear running into in the UFC - full of unexpected surprises and the fact that he had carefully placed a series of air cannons at strategic angles to direct an energy field at Whiteside sounded perfect. But perfect can't prepare you for this... Matthew aimed the cannon and staked to an early 1-1 tie.

But an air cannon is no match for Big Sexy.

Big Sexy approached and gave him a full dose of what could best be described as by the Hula Hoop maneuver - thrusting his chest and hips into the startled Mathew over and over again to the tune of a Lee Lummus-like beating. Around and around Big Sexy rumbled. By the time Big Sexy's Hula Hooping barrage was over, Matthew laid on the air cannon and stared dazzled in disbelief... and a 21-2 defeat.

Big Sexy Whiteside advances to meet Curtis "Bambi" Cruz in the next round.

Up Next:

Art "Clubber Wang" Chou vs "Buff" Liz Liverar

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