A Bieg Beating

There was a Dan Bieg Power Display for all to behold on Tuesday night. When the Earth had finished moving, a scrawny third baseman (and 3rd base itself) lay in disarray around 20 feet from the source of the storm that blew in... Yet this was Tuesday and the big battle of Big Dan Bieg versus Wendy "Nasty Newlywed" Mathis came on Friday.

Bieg was the first of the 1 seeds to do battle. And, just because he has had quite a layoff since his exhibition bouts doesn't mean he wasn't on his game. Bieg began by running full speed towards the Nasty Newlywed and Crashing the Wedding Party with all 250 pounds of solid muscle. His slide knocked over three cubes and made the CD of Elevator-style music playing in Mathis' cube skip. Mathis tumbled to the ground, surprised with how quickly the Bieg storm blew in. Bieg carefully pummeled her head into her chair, giving each pummel a degree of touch and finesse that explained instantly how he landed the #1 seed, and built a commanding 5-1 lead. (Just as expected)

But then, the unexpected came in. Mathis reached into her purse and grabbed her handy mace spray. Peppering Bieg in the eyes with her handy spray, she leg whipped him with first her left, then her right leg (which did NOT follow her scouting report) and shoved the Bieg guy to the turf.

Bieg howled that his eyes hurt and that the match was not fair. The Nasty Newlywed agreed. So she grabbed Bieg by the collar and took him directly down the hidden hallway into the women's restroom. Mathis plunged Bieg's head into the toilet and flushed, smacking his ears each time he went under. Yes, I said each time, as the Clapping Swirlee maneuver took shape. Mathis roared back to tie the matchup at 7-7.

Bieg shook his hair like an angry dog. For a few minutes, the power went out as a surge of anger charged through the first floor of the Rawlings Group. The two combatants lunged out of the bathroom and back into the office area, trading powerful snorts and cackles. The score stood tied at 10-10.

Suddenly, Bieg ran out of steam. He dropped to a knee, needing to catch his breath. Mathis, however, cranked up the Air Supply on her stereo and gave Bieg a 10 minute Billy Blanks Tae-Bo routine interspersing kicks with a few drop punches. Bieg couldn't believe it. He had fallen to Mathis 16-10. Mathis meanwhile deposited Mr Bieg in the same pile of discards where she had left Brian Scheele two weeks ago.

Mathis advances to the Sweet 16 to meet the winner of the next matchup: Ryan "Retail Rhino" Brady versus Dave "Italian Stalian" Bommarito.

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Good Luck.